Conversation Killers: Sensible Discussion Tips for Great Dates!

It’s Friday night, you’re out on a date with someone really great, the lights are low, the food is divine, but the conversation is dead. We’ve all been there, and we all know that bad conversation can drive a huge wedge between people who might otherwise make a good match. Getting to know new people can be hard and the jitters that come with really liking someone don’t make it any easier. To help, we’ve compiled a list of some of the most common conversation killers, as well as sure-fire tips on how to get any discussion back on track.

The Job Interview
“Where do you work? How long have you been there? Where did you go to school? What did you study?” Being interested in your date’s hobbies, interests, and goals is the best thing you can do to stimulate conversation. Unfortunately, it is easy to cross the line between expressing sincere interest and rapidly firing off generic inquiries. To avoid this, try asking open-ended questions that can’t be answered with one or two words. Instead of “Where do you work?” ask “Tell me more about your work?” Listen actively by nodding and responding with your own ideas. Don’t worry about learning their life story in one evening, if things go well you’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other.

If your date starts to interview you, set a good example by slowing down and giving thoughtful answers. Take control of the situation by saying, “But I’m excited to hear about you. Did you grow up in this area?”

The Monologue
“. . . I was promoted last year and things have been so busy since. I just work, work, work. It’s funny, as a child I never would have thought I would end up wearing a tie six days a week—you know when I was twelve . . .”

If you can’t be open about your life, then you won’t have a lot of luck getting to know someone, but if you don’t know when to shut up, you never will. Spend at least as much time listening as you do talking. Ask for your date’s opinions and related ideas and avoid bragging or trying to seem impressive. Organic conversations will allow the real you to shine.

If your date performs a monologue, find a way to open the conversation—some people are self-centred, but many people talk about themselves when they are nervous. Avoid interrupting your date, but find a practical way to change the topic to something safe and neutral. Suggest looking at the dessert menu together or taking a scenic walk. Let small talk build into a fresh conversation about food, architecture, or music.

The Invisible Common Ground
“So you don’t like Jazz, you don’t like Kung Fu movies, and you don’t eat meat?”
Having things in common is so important when it comes to finding the perfect match, and your TopMatch Dating Consultant knows it. When you connect with someone through TopMatch, you can be confident you have essential similarities, but first-date nerves can sometimes obstruct your view of the common ground that is clear to your consultant.

Superficial differences, like tastes in movies, aren’t necessarily indicative of a person’s broader views. Furthermore, a successful match is made of people who challenge and learn from one another. Don’t assume your date isn’t interesting if you don’t share all the same interests. Instead, ask questions about why they like what they do, and what their interests mean to them.

If you sense your date is having a hard time connecting with you, try bringing up the things you know you have in common. You live in the same area, you were drawn to the same matchmaking service, and you are both at a point in your life where you want genuine, lasting companionship. Sounds like a pretty good start, doesn’t it? Good luck.

Happy Dating!