Ask a Top Matchmaker

The conventional wisdom says never to discuss politics, religion, or finances if you want to keep the peace on a first date. Personally, I find strong opinions and spirited discussion to be a turn-on. Must I really avoid these subjects like the plague?

-V in Manchester

Excellent question V. While it’s true that too-strong opinions may make you seem stubborn or abrasive, this trinity of taboos seems a bit outdated. Certainly a lot depends on your expectations, but if you are looking for long-term commitment, these issues will come up along the way. When they do, hopefully you’ll be comfortable and confident enough to speak earnestly, and listen sensitively.

In my experience, there are three far dodgier topics that can do some fairly catastrophic first-date damage: exes, sex, and major complaints. By bringing up an ex (or five), you’re either going to come off as bitter or still hung up on a former flame. Sex, regardless of how relevant is seems in your mind, is rarely appropriate to discuss over a cheese plate. Premature pillow talk can make your date profoundly uncomfortable and will almost certainly make you look ignobly preoccupied. Lastly, filing major complaints about your job, friends, or lifestyle with your date won’t do anything to address your grievances. Complainers are typically difficult-to-please, self-involved, and not very fun to be around.

That said, there are plenty of interesting, safe things to talk about on a first date. If you are politically minded, current events can be a safe way of testing intellectual compatibility. So long as you don’t prod or quiz your date, a little headline recap can be good for sparking a connection. Arts and culture is a great way to go—from Wagner to Winehouse, there’s something for everyone. Favourite travel destinations, hobbies, and future goals are perfect discussions for finding common ground, and asking about friends and family will usually win you sensitivity points. Stay alert and interested, and even the biggest faux pas won’t derail your date.

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