Ask a TopMatchmaker

I've been seeing this man for a bit - a month or so. Anyhow, he seems really hesitant to even call us 'dating.’ Is that rather odd? It seems to me that we are, in fact, dating and I'm wondering if this indicates a real fear of commitment on his part. We get along great, and he seems very keen on me . . . so what's the problem?
-Sarah, Sheffield

Well Sarah, it seems like you two may simply have different definitions of the term “dating.” Commitment looks a little different to every individual, and it’s my opinion that we do ourselves a great disservice in neglecting to recognise this.

For instance, I have a mate who recently encountered a very similar situation. She was dating a new man, and failing to get a read on his level of commitment to the relationship, she was nearly prepared to scrap the whole affair. Thankfully, she took the alternate route and chose to gently approach him on the issue. Turns out the bloke considered ‘dating’ to be synonymous with a long term, committed relationship. “Ah, well,” she stumbled, “I’m not sure I’m quite ready to call it that!” Whilst my friend enjoyed this gentleman’s company, she was merely hoping for him to admit a requited enthusiastic attraction. Consequently, they’ve since started dating exclusively.

Perhaps your gentleman is not of the exact same mind, but you must be open to the fact that even if your terminology isn’t congruent, your attraction very well might be. I suggest you enjoy the journey together and fret less over labels. Of course you know what you need in a relationship to be happy, so if you deem it best to lay all cards on the table, just be honest and understanding. It sounds to me like you two have a happy future in store.

Good luck and happy dating!

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