Single and loving it! (Not really)

The empowering narrative for singles goes something like this: To be on your own means to be unattached, and to be unattached means to be free. Stefanie Marsh over at the Times Online has taken a shot at debunking this myth. In her own words,

“ . . . there’s a myth being perpetuated that being single is great! The loneliness, the effort, that musty smell in your flat because you spend far too much time in it, the fact that children think you’re weird – that’s all in your mind. A fabrication. You’re not bored, you just think you’re bored because being single is fabulous! There are several million single people living alone in Britain today – everyone’s at it, why not join in the fun? You can drink cocktails like they did in Sex and the City! You can play Nintendo into the dead of night! Absolutely nobody in the world gives a toss about you, but, never mind, you’ve won the lottery of life.”

The rest of the article can be found at http://women.timesonline.co.uk/
and it’s a great read

So, is being single honestly just a quagmire of boredom and anxiety? At times it may seem like it. Of course, another counter-myth explains Commitment (capital “C”) as it’s own gruelling existence wherein people must sacrifice all excitement to the marriage gods. But it can’t be all that bleak, can it?

Single or attached, you can bet on boredom. It’s inevitable. However, outweighing boredom, there’s heaps of fun and meaning to be gleaned from relationships, including the ones we have with ourselves.

If you are looking for love there’s no sense in giving up. A healthy relationship can bring a whole lot of comfort and value to life and doesn’t have to mean a total deprivation of cocktails and late-night Nintendo. In fact, your perfect match just might want in on the midnight gaming, and in my experience, there’s no fun in playing Guitar Hero without a worthy opponent.

Happy Dating!

Humour Her (Just Don't Overdo It).

A new study reveals the most effective way to attract women.

Recently, the Internet has been buzzing over a new study on sexual attraction, published by Gil Greengross at the University of New Mexico in the US. Two years of contained research seem to confirm what most women will happily tell you—when it comes to getting a woman’s attention, humour is key. More specifically, Greengross says that a self-deprecating comic will steal the most hearts (and in all probability, the most phone numbers).

Here’s the trick: When someone can make us laugh at their own expense, they often appear more accessible. This is a hit with most women because a man who is comfortable laughing at himself appears confident, but not arrogant. Furthermore, someone who tells a joke about himself can get a laugh without the risk of offending his date by accidentally putting down a person, idea, or institution that she might hold dear.

Nobody likes a ham, but laughter can be a wonderful icebreaker and can really help ease tension on a first date. Of course, when using self-deprecating humour, you run the risk of highlighting major personal flaws. Make her laugh, but don’t make her run. You can avoid laying it on too thick by keeping your self-inflicted jabs quick, relevant, and superficial. Spending an entire date putting yourself down will only make you look like a depressive trolling for approval. Just remember to keep it light and appropriate. Cute cracks about your mundane job, clumsy feet, or embarrassing music collection will make you look warm and approachable without tarnishing her impression of your character.

For expert guidance, you may want to consult the recent works of Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, and Martin Freeman—actors who have self-deprecating charm down to a science. Fortunately, it doesn’t take a professional to make a girl grin, so don’t fret. Just be happy with who you are, flaws and all, and never take yourself too seriously.

Happy Dating!

The Romantic Edge

For women especially, the pressure to appear professional and be taken seriously has never been so extreme. With more of us expected to work long hours and network at every opportunity, it’s no wonder finding love can be so tricky. Most of us simply don’t remember how to take our guard down.

In a hectic world, it’s certainly not over the top to approach the search for love somewhat systematically (in fact, at TopMatch we believe that an organised approach to personal introductions is a necessity). However, once you do find yourself out on a date, appearances and efficiency should be able to give way to something softer—vulnerability.

Romance simply can’t be scheduled and filed, but because most of us are programmed to plan and present like professionals, we often try to control love like the rest of our lives. The instinct to prepare is a good one, but to give ourselves that romantic edge we need to re-think our ideas about preparation.

For example, in choosing a restaurant for a business lunch you might use your keen professional eye to select a conveniently located, well-lit café with quick service and portions small enough to be eaten between rounds of brainstorming. How about for a date? Would you select a restaurant using the same standards? Unfortunately, many of us would. In fact, we’d probably choose our outfit the same way—something sophisticated and chic to show good sense and good taste, and our hair up in a bun lest it be tousled by wind. It’s true that accounting for every detail leaves nothing to chance, but it also leaves nothing to romance.

Success is something to be proud of and no woman should feel the need to act like someone they are not. There is no formula for femininity. Wearing a low-cut top to a dimly lit French restaurant won’t get you any closer to a great date if you aren’t comfortable. The real key to opening your softer side is all in the approach. The best dates are fun, not productive or profitable.

Instead of focusing your energy on the success of the date, focus on getting excited to have a great time. Choose a restaurant for its fun atmosphere, not its central location. Put on an outfit that makes you feel good about who you are, not one that makes you look important. The world may be fast and crazy and demanding, but for the sake of a truly romantic evening, the world can wait.

Happy Dating!