Dating Advice From the Heart

For some people, advice comes easy. We love our friends and family so wholly, that understanding their needs and best interests is intuitive. Considering their desires and fears, and understanding just how much they deserve, we listen to and support our loved ones with insight and empathy. So why is it, that even for naturally gifted helpers, taking one’s own advice is rarely instinctive?

Obviously, emotion takes its toll. Especially in matters of the heart, our head sometimes simply will not cooperate with our feelings. Dating is particularly tricky, because no two relationships are the same. The advice you offer a friend may not appropriately be applied to your own relationship, despite certain similarities. So in addition to heightened emotional stakes and a lack of objective distance, there is rarely a kind of cookie-cutter advice that will be useful in any dating situation.

So what do you do if you’re the one to whom your social circle turns for help? What of the times when you are in need of personalised, compassionate wisdom? Whether your relationship is new, or you’re experiencing new challenges in a comfortable relationship, keep in mind that there is one relationship in your life that will always remain consistent—the one you have with yourself. While you may not be able to turn off the swirling feelings and trying circumstances, you can still count on your own wisdom.

Ask yourself: What advice would I give to my sister? My father? My friend? Think through the process of giving good advice to others—what does the advisee feel, need, and deserve? Listen to your own feelings without judgement, and apply the same patience and concentration you would give to a friend in need. It may even help to write out the advice as if directed to a loved one. This way, you can look it over if you begin to feel lost or anxious again.

Of course, not all advice is born of pain. Relationships, more often than not, are fulfilling, satisfying, and challenging in a way that causes constant growth. Be sure to celebrate your personal happiness and victories with the same thoughtful enthusiasm.

Happy Dating!