A Characteristic Many People Overlook When Searching for a Spouse

When singles evaluate potential mates, they often look at core beliefs, family relationships, background, appearance, interests, chemistry and even income level. All of these are vital ingredients in marriage. But I’ve seen many singles find everything they’re looking for in a spouse, but overlook one very important characteristic.

It’s really unfortunate because this characteristic is so telling of how the person will react to circumstances once they’re married. It’s a characteristic that’s easy to spot if you know to look for it.

The characteristic is kindness. Now, you would think most people would look for this in a relationship and they typically do. However, they often don’t look beyond their own relationship. Of course the person is nice to you – they’re interested in you. They want something from you.

But the key to the kindness characteristic isn’t how nice the person is to you. It isn’t even how nice they are to their family or their friends. The key is this: How kind are they to everyone. Are they kind to their co-workers or employees? Are they kind to cashiers? Are they kind to children? Are they kind to people they’ve never met?

Here’s why this is so important – when life gets hard, the real heart of a person comes out. If kindness isn’t a real heart condition, then you can be sure you will see the real heart condition after you’re married.

I know several people who are married to people they thought were great people when they were dating. But once they got married, the real lack of kindness comes out daily. Their marriage is miserable. In many cases, there's abuse (verbal, physical, and even sexual). All because they didn’t want to look outside of their relationship when they were dating. The warning signs were there. But they refused to believe it.

If you want to have a great marriage, kindness has to be at the core of both hearts. Just as you want to know that your mate is kind, they want to know the same thing. So make sure you’re kind before you expect it from others. Your kindness tells your potential spouse that you’re going to be kind no matter what comes your way.

(Steve Kroening is the publisher of http://www.wisdomsedge.com/)