Are You Making Excuses Not to Date?

Adult life comes with many strains that we never anticipate in our youth. So, while being young and fancy free lends itself well to dating and romance, many of us often struggle to make time for love later in life—especially if we’re starting over or still seeking that perfect partner. Even if you have climbed the ladder of success, the view from up top can make leisure and free-time look pretty distant, and if you’ve got family responsibilities, the chance of meeting anyone new can seem bleak. But maybe it’s time to stop making excuses. Here are some of the most common:

"I’m concentrating on my career." Sure you are, and that’s something to be proud of, but will doing better professionally be enough to make up for feeling alone? Hiding behind a high-pressure job is one of the most common ways to deter our social lives, and we typically don’t even realise what we’re doing until it’s rather late in the game to change.

Children from a previous marriage. With divorce rates rising, everyday greets more single parents. Many single parents struggle to decide what is appropriate when it comes to dating again, especially around children. While having boundaries and empathy are essential in this situation, there is no reason to feel that you can’t expect to find love again some day. Rigid, self-imposed guidelines should never get in the way of the happiness of a family, yourself included.

Aging parents and sick family members. At some point it seems the caretaker/care receiver role reverses between parent and child and we all find ourselves worrying about the wellbeing of our elders. Running errands, checking in, and even loving anxiety are all burdens of the caretaker. Still, you ought to let these gestures of kindness fill you with love and a sense of purpose instead of getting weighed down in worry.

Personal Passions. Volunteer work, church, and even fitness goals can fill us up with personal pride and satisfaction. But if you have something that gives you a greater sense of purpose, why not invite someone special to share it with you? Passions and hobbies can also be a great way to meet new people.

If you find yourself making any of these excuses, consider this: there likely won’t be a better time for love—commitments will keep piling up and responsibilities won’t evaporate. The factor you can control is you and your priorities. If you’ve always imagined life with a companion, why not give yourself a fair shot at total happiness? Need help finding the time? Let the experts at TopMatch lend a hand.

Taking Sides? Single vs. Attached

According to the General Household Survey, the number of single females has more than doubled over the past three decades. Empowered women everywhere seem to realise that their value needn’t be defined by marriage. Whilst the single woman may face less stigma than ever before (cheers!), I often wonder how new tensions and prejudices shape our ideas about long-term commitments.

Some of us see relationship commitment as an enemy to individuality. As one Dating Blog reader puts it, “I’ve known people who change so much of who they are for the sake of their partners—if I can’t be married and be me, then I’d rather be single and free.”

For men and women, relationships shouldn’t come at the cost of our individuality. Yet somehow, society seems to have manufactured a myth where marriages either consume, or destroy. Over drinks the other night, a single mate said to me, “It’s nearly impossible to stay close with married friends—their stories, their lives just put me to sleep.”

Counterpoint? My married friend Chris says, “Ah but those blokes (single friends) just want to drink and be wild, don’t they? At some point, you’ve got to admit there is more to life.”

On either end, there’s not a pretty picture in sight. But is the outlook truly so bleak? Have we simply learned to fear the unfamiliar? Or more likely, trained ourselves to rule out what seems unattainable?

So what if we could focus on the things we have in common instead? We all want to feel loved, but we all want to succeed and be judged by our own merits. Having it both ways just isn’t astrophysics. In fact, to prove it, I’m providing a handy acronym.

Friends—Fall in love, but never fall out of touch with your mates.
Respect—Give, Take, Listen, and Hear. A one-way street is not worth the stroll.
Excitement—Stay open to adventure. Travel, plan outings alone, and try new things together.
Empathy—Don’t judge singles and don’t judge relationships. Just be blissfully happy with the love you have.

Have your own opinions on commitment and individuality? Tell us about it in the comments.

In the Flow

Your mind is sharp, your words are clear, and your surroundings are rife with inspiration. Positive psychologists call it the Flow and speculate that we enter this state naturally when participating in activities that really consume us. In addition to enhanced productivity and energised passion, being in the flow can help renew the most pleasant parts of your personality, which is always an advantage for anyone looking for love.

So when was the last time you felt the Flow? If there’s ever been an instance where you were so immersed in a project or activity that time seemed to melt away entirely, you can bet you’ve experienced Flow. Many people feel it when exercising, volunteering, or creating something artistic. If you find an activity rewarding and challenging, but doable, then it will likely set you adrift.

People who find their Flow are among the most inspirational and interesting to be around. They are magnetic. That’s because they feel enough control over their lives to seem relaxed and confident, plus, they are passionate enough about their interests to always keep a conversation moving. People who feel satisfied and stimulated by their work and hobbies complain less, smile often, and therefore seem a great deal more attractive than those with low-energy.

The next time you start to feel especially productive and positive, make note of what you’re up to, and make a point to spend more time participating in similar activities.

Happy Dating!

The REAL Reason Long-Distance Relationships Shouldn't be the First Choice

Perhaps you have heard about a long-distance relationship that led to lifetime bliss? A couple who met online and, after months of falling in love, and against all odds, both made sacrifices to mentally and physically meet in the middle? A lovely thought, but more likely, you’ve heard about something like: the long distance couple who, try as they might, couldn’t ever fully fit into each other's lives and, after months of falling in love, walked away disappointed, hurt, and with a little less time to spend with their real perfect partners (wherever they might be).

Sad as it may seem, more often than not long-distance romances are doomed from the start. It’s not necessarily because people fail to make sacrifices to include the other, but more because of how those sacrifices start to nibble into everyday life. While in live relationships one is able to go through the motions of integrating their relationship with their work, social circle, daily routine, and family, long-distance situations just don’t allow for that kind of growth. Inherently, the relationship is kept separate from regular life, and so in time, the connection is stifled.

Real romance ought to penetrate the commonplace, as well as the soul. Trips to the grocery and last-minute dinner plans are parts of life that simply can’t be spent with an absentee partner. If you have to interrupt your daily routine every time you want to feel some romance, certain parts of your world will invariably receive less attention.

That's not to say long distance relationships can't/don't work, of course they can/do it's just that the odds are reduced. We believe it's best to start local and expand your search if necessary.

TopMatch introduces singles on the local level because we think dating should be a journey, not a hassle. Naturally there are some relationships that overcome all odds, but if you’re serious about finding companionship, why not stack the odds in your favour? Before striking up an intercontinental connection, why not take a closer look at all of the exciting singles in your own backyard?

Happy Dating!

Resolve to Succeed

Amongst goals like getting in shape, volunteering more time to worthy causes, and working even harder, many Britons are vowing to meet their perfect match in 2009. And although we sometimes fail to follow through on our resolutions, smart goal-setters know that a solid plan makes all the difference.

How many times have you resolved to change in some major ways, only to fail a month or two into the New Year? Now count up the amount of times you’ve had an honest plan of action. It’s common to let yourself down when setting lofty goals like finding lasting love or even getting in shape, because, while these dreams seem simple in theory, they are complex and require a sequence of stepping-stones toward success. Three of those essential stepping-stones are:

Write it. Think you’ve got a plan? Then you should have no problem jotting it down. Don’t settle for just a few words; instead, map out the whole year with guiding mini-goals and milestones. Examples are: In February I will go out on a date, no excuses. In June I will read one self-improvement book to help my communication skills.

Enlist help. Like it or not, you can’t do this alone. Whatever your goal may be, enlisting someone who will be of specific help on the issue will ensure you make it one step closer to your goal. In fact, it may be the factor that will make or break your success. Whether you choose a good friend or a real professional, make sure that this person is aware of your needs and is committed to helping the cause.

Rewards. Reward each real victory and renew your resolve every time. After each milestone is accomplished, treat yourself to a massage, night out, or bottle of fine wine. Just don’t pick rewards that compromise your goal, like a chocolate cake if you are trying to lose weight. Most of all, take time to revere the hard work it took to make it so far, this will hope you maintain focus on the rest of your journey.

Happy Dating!