A Little Less Conversation

Knowing what to say when you’re on a first date can be tricky.. It’s easy to get lost in the moment and stray into the wrong territory. I know a gentleman who, very nervous on his first date, spoke at length about his fascination for Oriental women. Bad enough. Worse when he discovered that his date’s ex- husband had left her to be with an Asian bride.

So here are some simple tips on conversation for the first couple of dates. What topics should be safe – and what to steer clear of.

Keep the conversation mostly about your partner. People like to talk about themselves.

Keep the tone of the conversation light – it should be a conversation – not an inquisition. If you sense a reluctance to answer a specific question – don’t push – move on to something else.

Try to encourage your date to talk about things that excite them. People feel good when they talk about things that mean a lot to them – things they are passionate about. It often helps them to relax.

Try to make your date feel good abut themselves. If you can make them feel better than they did at the start of the date you are halfway there.

Don’t talk about money, previous partners, politics or sex. And don’t come across too needy – talking about your ideal wedding on a first date is unlikely to lead to a second date.

Men – Humour is great, but use it wisely. Most men are only ever one stupid joke or comment away from ruining everything!! So don’t be crude or sarcastic – and don’t make fun of your date.
If you talk about yourself all the time you’ll sound arrogant, self obsessed and patronising. A friend once told me about a first date experience that sums this up.

Her date was taking her to a restaurant about forty minutes drive away. For the entire journey he spoke non – stop about his hobbies, his career, his ambitions, his car, football, his choice of hair products….and so on.

Finally they arrived at the restaurant and were seated.

"Enough about me.” He said “Let's talk about you."

Finally she thought..

Until he said… "What do you think about me?"

Needless to say – there was a long and silent car journey home – and no second date.

Robert Burns

Are People In Relationships Happier?

Someone asked me at the weekend if it was true that people in relationships are happier than those who are single.

“It can’t be true” she said “some of the happiest people I know are divorced”.

From a personal point of view, if I think about the happy people that I know – they are mostly in stable relationships. I can also recall the changes I have seen in so many of those I have worked with when they finally found their perfect match. They have been outwardly more positive, more content and yes, happier.

Most physiologists also tend to agree that we are happier in relationships than we are when we are single. Of course there are exceptions – there are bad relationships just like there are bad apples, or bad hair days. But a good relationship makes us happy.

People in relationships live longer (forget all the old jokes about it just FEELING longer). Marriage apparently adds around seven years to the life of a man and four to the life of a woman. Figures for those who live together are similar.

A recent study in the US found that people in the “top 10 per cent of happiness” were almost entirely involved in a stable, romantic relationship.

So why are people in relationships happier?

Well for a start it takes one item off of your parents list of how you have failed to live up to their expectations.

It also means that there is someone who feels obliged to listen to how bad your day at work was.

But being in a relationship gives you the opportunity to share.

Share concerns. Share dreams. Share plans.

It gives you someone to care about – and someone who, hopefully, cares about you.

You look out for each other. Support each other. You are there for each other.

It gives you someone you can depend on, someone you can trust, someone you can confide in.

As human beings – we need these things. We need them to help us feel secure, to help us feel content.

If we are secure and content in ourselves we can approach life much more confidently. We can be happier.

The paradox is that when we are in a relationship - we often find it very easy to make each other miserable – nine times out of ten over really trivial stuff.

Sometimes it is not until we lose the relationship that we realise that the good things massively outweighed the bad – and that a lot of the stuff we argued over was completely insignificant.

So yes – in response to the question. I do believe that those of us in stable relationships are genuinely happier than those of us who are single.

But I also believe that sometimes, we get complacent, and we can all do ourselves a favour by taking a step back - appreciating the good things in our relationship – and stop getting worked up about things that don’t’really matter that much.


Robert Burns

The Lunch Date

When you are getting back into dating – lunch dates are a really good way to get started.

If you can fit them into your work schedule you can keep them discreet, confidential and it breaks you in gently.

Getting back into dating after a long time can be a daunting process. If it’s been a while since you last dated venues and etiquette may well have changed.

Lunchtime dates can keep that first meeting simple and relatively short. It can take a lot of the stress out of that first date.

It’s also easy to decide what to do. A light lunch at a local restaurant does not take a lot of thought or a lot of planning.

Try to pick somewhere not too busy. Somewhere not frequented by lots of your work colleagues. And as it’s a first date – play safe with the choice of cuisine.

You don’t have to worry too much about what you wear – you’re already dressed appropriately for work. And if you’re going to meet someone for an hour or an hour and a half it’s easy to find enough conversation to fill that space.

It gives you the prefect amount of time to see if you like the person, if you have much in common, if you want to spend more time with them.

If it’s not going well - you have an easy exit strategy. You have to get back to work.

This can also be a really effective alternative if you have children. You don’t have to make babysitting arrangements and if your children are older – you don’t have to explain to them why you’re getting dressed up to go out in the evening.

So if you are looking to get back into dating – the lunch date is well worth considering.


Robbie Burns

The First Date

People often ask how they should act on a first date. What should they say? What should they avoid?

The truth is that every date is different – because we are all different – but there are some fundamental truths that you should always bear in mind.

There is little point in pretending to be something, or someone, that you are not. If the relationship is going to last beyond the first date it has to be because he or she likes YOU. So be yourself. Be the polite, charming and eloquent version of yourself – but don’t lie about your past or your present. If the relationship grows you’ll be found out.

It’s a cliché – but first impressions do count. So….

Don’t be late.. If something crops up that is beyond your control – call. Whatever your mother told you ladies - on a first date there is no such thing as “fashionably late”.


What you wear is always tricky – especially for women. Be careful not to over-dress or under-dress. Make sure you know the venue, find out what the acceptable / expected dress code is.

Don’t drink too much. Being drunk is rarely an attractive feature and drinking too much will always give the wrong impression.

Listen more than you talk. Talking non-stop about yourself is one of the most common mistakes on a first date.

We all get nervous – and sometimes that can make us talk too much to fill the awkward gaps in the conversation. But avoid it.

Fill the gaps by asking your date to tell you about them. Listen. Be interested. And see if you have anything in common that you can build on.

Do not discuss previous relationships. If your date asks about them be brief. Never be critical or disrespectful about previous partners at this stage – however you may feel about them.

Mobile phones can be a curse as well as a blessing. Turn your phone off. Or at worst put it on to vibrate. Do not take calls. Do not read or respond to texts. Your date should be the most important person in the room. If you have no option but to take a business call tell your date in advance that you are expecting it. Apologise before and after the call. And keep it brief.


Compliment your date. Don’t overdo it, but pay them a simple and genuine compliment.

Don’t talk about money. It doesn’t matter, on this occasion, whether you have it or not. It’s never a good subject to discuss on a first date.

Don’t be rude to anyone. Whether it’s the staff at the restaurant or cinema. A work colleague you bump into. A friend. Be nice to everyone. Don’t be rude or sarcastic – even in jest.


Don’t build the date or the relationship up in your head too much. It’s a first date. Don’t go into it thinking that this MUST be the one. Don’t go into it thinking it’s destined to be a failure.

It’s a first date. No More. No Less. Relax, enjoy it and see where it takes you.

At the beginning I said that first impressions count – and they do. However I am now going to completely contradict myself.

It is natural to be nervous on a first date- more so if you have not dated for a while. Your date will be feeling the same. So bear that in mind. Don’t be too quick to judge. Don’t rush to conclusions. Give them a chance.

There’s not much here that’s not common sense. There is certainly nothing complicated.
So bear it all in mind. Don’t get too hung up on it.

And enjoy the date!


Robbie Burns