Dating Blog

Resolve to Succeed

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 18:46:00 +0000

Amongst goals like getting in shape, volunteering more time to worthy causes, and working even harder, many Britons are vowing to meet their perfect match in 2009. And although we sometimes fail to follow through on our resolutions, smart goal-setters know that a solid plan makes all the difference.

How many times have you resolved to change in some major ways, only to fail a month or two into the New Year? Now count up the amount of times you’ve had an honest plan of action. It’s common to let yourself down when setting lofty goals like finding lasting love or even getting in shape, because, while these dreams seem simple in theory, they are complex and require a sequence of stepping-stones toward success. Three of those essential stepping-stones are:

Write it. Think you’ve got a plan? Then you should have no problem jotting it down. Don’t settle for just a few words; instead, map out the whole year with guiding mini-goals and milestones. Examples are: In February I will go out on a date, no excuses. In June I will read one self-improvement book to help my communication skills.

Enlist help. Like it or not, you can’t do this alone. Whatever your goal may be, enlisting someone who will be of specific help on the issue will ensure you make it one step closer to your goal. In fact, it may be the factor that will make or break your success. Whether you choose a good friend or a real professional, make sure that this person is aware of your needs and is committed to helping the cause.

Rewards. Reward each real victory and renew your resolve every time. After each milestone is accomplished, treat yourself to a massage, night out, or bottle of fine wine. Just don’t pick rewards that compromise your goal, like a chocolate cake if you are trying to lose weight. Most of all, take time to revere the hard work it took to make it so far, this will hope you maintain focus on the rest of your journey.

Happy Dating!

How Films Distort Our Ideas About Dating

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 16:06:00 +0000

Impeccably timed first kisses, epic adversity, and meticulously tousled hair are key elements in the silver screen’s representation of romance. And although this kind of drama might have you asking, “Pass the popcorn?” it may be harmful to the average person’s ideas about dating. Here are a few of the reasons why.

Impossible Conflict. Sure some movie romances have been torn at the seams by insurmountable obstacles of the most remarkable variety, but that inevitable tragedy is what brings urgency and passion to the relationship. Some of us feel the compulsion to create various obstacles in order to test or affirm our relationships, and that’s a shame.

Examples: Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, An Affair to Remember

Instant Love. Most lasting loves aren’t shaped in a heartbeat, but the cinema often suggests otherwise. In real life, you might have to come to terms with love at first sight as lust and sudden devotion, naïveté.

Examples: Titanic, Romeo and Juliet, Moonstruck

Flawless Chemistry. Even if you seem to absolutely click with someone special, invariably you will encounter differences and annoyances that cut down the ideal. In life these issues require patience and understanding, but in many films, they barely exist at all.

Examples: Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally, The Matrix

So what makes a real romance?
True love comes from letting your relationship take on a life of its own. Afternoon strolls, late night conversations, and even shopping for groceries can be packed with heaps of simple, old fashion romance. And whilst the lighting and soundtrack may not always be stunning, your real-life romance has the best chance for a happy ending.

Lonely Holiday?

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 04:17:00 +0000

A White Christmas is no time to feel blue. If you haven’t yet found your perfect partner, here are some ways to manage a happy holiday season without feeling so alone.

Throw a party. Bring the festivities home with a fabulous holiday soiree. Invite friends and family as well as all of the neighbours and colleagues you’ve been meaning to get to know. Potluck style dining can cut back costs and makes for excellent conversation while white lights or simple candles will add classy but cosy atmosphere.

Bonus Tip:
For a festive aroma, brew spiced apple cider with a coffee maker. Simply fill the filter with brown sugar, nutmeg, allspice, and orange wedges, then pour plain cider in the water reservoir and brew. You can also brew it on the stove!

Spoil Yourself. No need to wait for Santa, when you can make your own holiday wishes come true. Treat yourself to the special gift or experience of your dreams (because if anyone knows how to shop for you, it’s you!) Next, rent your favourite films, stock up on snacks, build a glowing fire and you’ll have a sweet celebration tailored to your unique tastes.

Get Into the Spirit. Nothing beats feeling alone like reaching out to someone in need. You can find some amazing volunteer opportunities here that will brighten up your holiday as well as someone else’s.

Make a Change! You don’t have to spend the holiday alone! Get in touch with us today and you might just meet your perfect partner in time for the chestnuts and mistletoe.

Lonely Hearts, You're Not Alone

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 06:00:00 +0000

If you’ve been feeling lonely, you’re anything but alone. A report by researchers at Sheffield University and reported by the BBC and Daily Mail states that Britain is far lonelier today than in the last thirty years.

Why so glum? Most of us aren’t even friendly with our own neighbours, and with divorce and globalisation on the rise, people spread out and relocate regularly. Students are more likely to travel in search of quality, specialised education, and job transfers are more common, especially because people seem to have fewer local ties. In that way, the problem becomes a bit of a cycle. With fewer personal attachments, there are fewer reasons to stay put for very long.

The report, which formulated a loneliness index based on the national census and the Office for National Statistics’ population estimates, found that Edinburgh, London, Aberdeen, Dundee, and Devon were among the loneliest places to live.

What does this mean for dating? Only that the need to get proactive is greater than ever. Anyone who has tried long-distance dating knows how exhausting and heartbreaking it can be, and sitting home alone is certainly not a suitable alternative. The good news is that more and more people are opening up to sensible solutions, from professional local introductions like TopMatch, to exchanging friendly hellos with neighbours and co-workers. The world may seem lonely, but the truth is that we are all looking for a little company.

Meet the Family

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 02:18:00 +0000

The holiday season is here, and for new couples that can mean the time may be prime for meeting the family. Above all else, forget any bad experiences from your past or that you’ve heard in horrifying recaps from mates. A positive attitude, a sweet smile, and the offering of a fine Merlot may be all you need to make a stellar first impression. But, in case it helps:

Be the bearer of good news and a great gift. Don’t gripe, moan, or wax critical in any way when meeting the parents. Be positive (but real), and smile with your eyes and mouth. Be thoughtful enough to bring a small gift that suits the family’s tastes (you can ask your partner for nice ideas), and be sure to do some research so you don’t end up, say, giving alcohol to a family that abstains from drinking.

Listen up. Ask questions to get to know your partner’s loved ones, and don’t use each conversation as an opportunity to talk about yourself. The most impressive people are good listeners who are confident enough not to boast.

Have an opinion. Avoid hot topics like politics and religion on this first meeting, but don’t be afraid to speak up and get candid. Chances are, the family will want to know you as much as you want to know them.

Dress how you want to be seen. Show respect by dressing smart, but do express your personality. Mostly mellow fellow? Try a sweater and slacks. Creative and crafty? Don a patterned blouse or tie with a solid skirt or trousers. Just don’t arrive in anything exceedingly provocative.

Treat it as an experience, not a pop quiz. Don’t agonise over making the perfect impression; just enjoy the evening. After all, it may be a glimpse into a blissful future as part of your perfect partner’s family.

Happy Dating and Happy Holidays!

Storybook Romance

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 00:06:00 +0000

Think using a matchmaker will leach the romance from your love life? My friend Marisol did. For years she insisted that, in spite of her oppressive workload and lack of leisure time, she’d find the man of her dreams when the Fates allowed. If Destiny ever intervened though, it did so disappointingly. Lukewarm lunch dates and one dinner invitation from her married accountant weren’t the fantastical love life Marisol had so vividly envisioned.

Because most of us have been brought up on the same myths of fairytale romance, we often assume that love and happiness are more entitlements than achievements. In reality, it is this kind of thinking that actually prevents us from finding that perfect partner. I tried explaining as much to Marisol over lunch six months ago.

“Marisol,” I said, “Let me ask you something. You’ve always been driven to excel in your work and as a result you have your dream job, right?” She nodded. “So why are you hesitant to be equally proactive in your love life?” As usual, she brought up the question of romance.

In truth, I never thought my friend would change her mind. If she wanted to wait on a sweeping storybook romance, I resolved to support her decision. Then, last weekend Marisol called with some news.

“He’s invited me round to his mum’s for Christmas!” Marisol had finally fallen in love. She explained that soon after our last chat, she decided that romance just wasn’t a strong enough reason to hold out any longer. Having decided that using a secure, professional introductions service was a rational solution to her loneliness, she abandoned the idea that real love had to happen like a fairy tale. Ironically, that’s when her once upon a time began.

Within a month, Marisol’s matchmaker proposed an introduction to a man named David. Seeing that they shared many interests, Marisol accepted and met David for dinner, only to find that he had actually been a former schoolmate of hers from university. Just as surprised as she, David told Marisol that he’d always fancied her back in school, but felt too intimidated to ask her for a date.

“It’s like a second chance,” Marisol told me. “He was always right there and I never knew how he felt.” Now that’s romantic!

Remember, Cinderella may have lived happily ever after, but she had to get herself to the ball first. Taking action is just plain practical, and it sometimes leads to great romance.

Just Another Face in the Crowd?

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 19:43:00 +0000

A new study reveals speed dating may bring judgement to a grinding halt

A new study out of the University of Edinburgh offers some unnerving insight into the world of speed dating. Apparently, when faced with an overwhelming number of potential partners, people often resort to flawed systems of judgement.

“In smaller groups . . . people trade off different qualities in prospective mates - physical attractiveness for intelligence, for example. Faced with too much choice, however, we resort to crude approaches such as choosing solely on looks.”

In fact, the researchers found that, “as the size of the group grew, the offers became skewed towards just a few individuals, while the least popular ended up with fewer or no offers.”

NewScientist has the whole story here

So, if this is true of speed dating events with groups between, say 10 and 30 people, one has to wonder what kind of cut-throat standards most of us rely on to scope out possible dates in crowded pubs, clubs, and even on the street. And for that matter, how many times do we end up asking out people who ultimately fall short of our expectations?

A nasty side effect of living on an increasingly crowded Earth is the fact that we can often feel like lonely strangers in herds of thousands. It’s no wonder people turn to events like speed dating to jump start their love lives. But why make the extra effort if you’re still going to end up as just another face in the crowd?

Handsome or plain, who wants to be sized up by looks alone? Such superficial standards are always a setback for real romance. Plus, more often than not, singles who harbour crystal clear images of their ideal mate are the same saps that end up falling for the wrong people over and over.

The right approach? Whatever feels real. If you want to be judged on the content of your character, judge others with the same standards. Avoid situations that make you feel like an item up for auction, and opt for any chance to engage in honest, one-on-one conversation. If you’re really ready to get serious about making that special connection, consider letting a TopMatch expert introduce you to the kind of sincere singles you’ve been looking for.

Ask a TopMatchmaker

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 23:56:00 +0000

I've been seeing this man for a bit - a month or so. Anyhow, he seems really hesitant to even call us 'dating.’ Is that rather odd? It seems to me that we are, in fact, dating and I'm wondering if this indicates a real fear of commitment on his part. We get along great, and he seems very keen on me . . . so what's the problem?
-Sarah, Sheffield

Well Sarah, it seems like you two may simply have different definitions of the term “dating.” Commitment looks a little different to every individual, and it’s my opinion that we do ourselves a great disservice in neglecting to recognise this.

For instance, I have a mate who recently encountered a very similar situation. She was dating a new man, and failing to get a read on his level of commitment to the relationship, she was nearly prepared to scrap the whole affair. Thankfully, she took the alternate route and chose to gently approach him on the issue. Turns out the bloke considered ‘dating’ to be synonymous with a long term, committed relationship. “Ah, well,” she stumbled, “I’m not sure I’m quite ready to call it that!” Whilst my friend enjoyed this gentleman’s company, she was merely hoping for him to admit a requited enthusiastic attraction. Consequently, they’ve since started dating exclusively.

Perhaps your gentleman is not of the exact same mind, but you must be open to the fact that even if your terminology isn’t congruent, your attraction very well might be. I suggest you enjoy the journey together and fret less over labels. Of course you know what you need in a relationship to be happy, so if you deem it best to lay all cards on the table, just be honest and understanding. It sounds to me like you two have a happy future in store.

Good luck and happy dating!

Need advice? Post your dating dilemmas in the comments of any post. We’re here to help you in every stage of your road to romance.

Top Five Reasons to Avoid Dating a Co-Worker

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 05:28:00 +0000

Today, more and more of us are expected to work longer and longer hours. How exhausting! With so little time to socialise, it can be difficult to meet new people. Still, there can be major consequences to dating a colleague, so if you’re single and starting to think that your only chance at love is in the office, think about this:

1. HR. Your company may or may not have stringent HR policies regarding inner-office relationships, but there are probably at least some pretty strong preferences about them. Many companies ask that you at least disclose office romances in writing, which can be awkward for everyone involved. Keeping it quiet can be tricky (management has eyes and ears everywhere and can easily access your company e-mail) and even a clandestine relationship can go public after a messy break up. If things ever go sour you may also end up contending with sexual harassment charges.

2. Professionalism. This gets especially tricky if you or your partner outranks the other. Prepare to be accused of leveraging your relationship or playing favourites. Even if there is no shift in your professional intentions, it’s difficult to keep your heart and head from influencing one another and even if you don’t cross any lines, people will still gossip. If you want to be seen as a focused professional, you’ll want to keep your love life off the clock.

3. Distraction. Being consumed by love is a priceless feeling, but in the workplace it can cost you a lot. If time is money than every moment you spend flirting in the break room or composing doting e-mails is a loss for you and your employer.

4. Private space. You may not see your office as a home away from home, but ultimately it’s a big part of your life. Having your own identity within that office is important, and for many people it is a place to prove personal strengths independently. Inner-office dating can sometimes inhibit individual professional growth.

5. Separation of job and personal life. Ideally, your perfect partner will listen to you vent about a hard day at the office and provide comfort when you are stressed. Having someone who can totally take your mind off of work and your professional duties makes each day a bit sweeter, but if your partner is also a colleague you’ll have a hard time ever mentally vacating the office.

If you’re serious about finding real love with no corporate strings, think about taking a proactive approach with TopMatch.

Happy Dating!

What Makes a Match?

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 22:53:00 +0000

Part art, part science, matchmaking is a process that relies as much on feeling as it does on fact. So what exactly makes a perfect pair? It's a question we hear a lot at TopMatch and as you may imagine, there simply isn't an easy answer. Call it chemistry or "that special something," this is the one factor that can rarely be predicted and is impossible to manufacture, and it's typically what makes or breaks a great love. And, whilst we can't promise eternal romance on every introduction, we know the trends of attraction and compatibility front-to-back, inside out, and upside down. So if you're looking for the perfect partner, here are some expert tips:

Opposites may attract, but exact opposites just attract conflict. Ideally your perfect partner won't also be your sparring partner. Disagreements are natural, and there's nothing better than a partner who can challenge you to grow, but without certain similarities, mutual respect can be hard to find. We build respect on common ground, which can be found in shared passions, ideals, or philosophies. It's fine to bicker over the radio dial or movie choice, but opposing values can ruin more than a single date.

For the most part, lifestyle matters. Background, education, and income don't have to be deal-breakers, but the more similar a couple's lifestyles, the less adjusting has to take place. If you're ideal evening includes a thick book and red wine, you may end up compromising too often if your partner likes loud clubs and loaded cocktails. Try new things, just don't date someone whose lifestyle tries your patience.

It's just fine to admit attraction is important. Romantic relationships need a healthy helping of physical attraction. Even if the initial attraction isn't overwhelming it's perfectly possible for physical attraction to grow from emotional attraction. However, forcing an attraction almost always ends in disappointment. That's why it's best to be honest with yourself from the start and admit that some relationships are best left in the platonic stages.

Happy Dating!

One Moment to Steal a Heart

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 03:18:00 +0000

Want to make a flawless first impression?

It only takes a mere moment to evaluate your date—appearance, posture, and attitude can speak volumes. Of course in that moment, you are sending off signals of your own. Whilst first impressions aren’t always accurate, they certainly do last and often make or break the overall success of a first date.

Making a great first impression is as simple as being prepared. If you show up on time, looking and feeling good, you’ll be halfway to victory. Punctuality and smart attire prove that you view the occasion as important and demonstrate a sense of responsibility.

To really make an impact, try turning up the charm. This doesn’t require any tired lines or expensive drinks, only that you try your best to make your date feel appreciated. Look for a sincere compliment to deliver that is not based on a physical attribute and be a great listener. Act as if you are speaking to a friend with whom you already have a sense of rapport—don’t pretend to be anyone but yourself.

Honesty and positivity will never let you down. Even if you disagree with your date, a positive attitude will foster an atmosphere of mutual respect. Don’t worry about being right, just focus on learning about one another. Complaining about your job, the food, or people you’ve dated in the past will only make you seem high maintenance.

Say your date’s name a few times throughout the evening. Most people take it as a huge compliment to be addressed by name in our increasingly anonymous society. Be careful though! Dropping the wrong name could very well undermine even the best first impression.

Happy Dating!

Dating on a Shoestring

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 22:36:00 +0000

As long as your heart is made of gold, your pocketbook doesn’t have to be. Here are some fun date ideas for anyone watching their spending.

Movie Marathon

With the right snacks and comfy seating, a movie marathon can be a splendid way to get to know someone. Alternate between personal favourites to get a sense of your date’s taste and show off your own. Suitable for any season, the Movie Marathon can be enhanced with cocoa and holiday classics, or candy corn and slasher flicks.

Picnic

Weather permitting; a picnic can be far more romantic than a five-course meal from an overpriced menu. Wine and a sunset view invoke timeless romance, but don’t fret if you get rained out. You can always put on an indoor picnic with a big blanket and lots of glowing candles.

Free Museum Days

Most museums offer discount or free admission on special days and great art can be the perfect inspiration for great love. Also look out for gallery openings and artist’s receptions that are frequently free (and that includes champagne)!

Cooking Together

Even if you’re not a whiz in the kitchen, cooking a meal together can be a wonderful way to bond. Ask your date to bring a favourite recipe to share and offer to whip up a dessert you know you can handle. Blend sincere compliments with an easygoing attitude to yield a good glimpse of domestic bliss.

Potlucks with Friends and Family

If you’ve already been out on a few successful dates, consider attending or hosting a potluck with some friends or family. Introducing your date to the special people in your life will prove that you’re serious about the relationship and give you the chance to see how everyone gets on together.

Cheap Seats

Theatres often provide free tickets to anyone willing to show up an hour or two early to usher. Whilst unpaid labour may not seem romantic, it can be fun if your companion is an arts supporter who loves to volunteer. You can also get tickets for next-to-nothing by attending closing matinee or weekday showings.

Dying to try out some of these ideas? Start meeting new people NOW with a TopMatch Membership!

Convenient at a Cost: The Personal Price of Almost-Blind Online Dating

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 03:49:00 +0000

Nothing beats the convenience of online dating, right? But what about the security? If you’ve ever browsed the profiles of traditional online dating networks, you’ve probably been amazed at the number of single, attractive, captivating people committed to finding love. Then again, if you’ve ever accepted a date with one of these virtual Helens or Adonises, you’ve likely had a rude awakening to the reality of online dating: people lie. Call it fudging, stretching the truth, or personal optimism, but any way you spin it, you can’t be too cautious when looking for love online.

Here’s what to watch out for:

The best of intentions? When it comes to defining romance, every individual has his or her own take. Unfortunately, it can be hard to gauge what kind of relationship people are looking for by just glancing at a profile. Someone looking for long-term love may pretend to be more flexible so as not to scare off any prospects, whilst someone looking for a night or two of companionship may act a bit more serious so as not to offend. Of course, someone seeking a fling is certainly not the worst of it, as it’s also possible for a virtual dreamboat to be nothing more than a con artist.

Describe yourself . . . If you’ve ever listened to a mate whine about her figure or gloat about her intelligence, you know that most people have a hard time seeing themselves objectively. Describing yourself for an online profile is never easy, even if you have every intention of being honest. That’s why trying to sift through delusional profiles can be a pretty fruitless chore. If someone admits to being quirky, does it mean they like obscure foreign sci-fi films, or are they a full-on space case? How about assertive? Does that make them a go-getter or a total hot head? Is it worth finding out?

You’re how old? You can’t put an age on romance, but you can’t put much faith in people who lie about their age either. Unless your potential partner is holding up a current newspaper in their profile picture, don’t be too sure that the snapshot (or the age listed below it) is current.

Beware of Photoshop! Lighting, makeup, and composition can do a lot to flatter in photos, and now with modern technology there’s nothing about a picture that can’t be changed at the click of a mouse. Wrinkles and extra inches can be dissolved instantly whilst hair, dimples, and desired curves can magically appear. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but there’s no guarantee any of them will be accurate.

Single – it’s not a grey area. Being unhappily married or newly separated is not, and never will be, the same thing as single. If it’s too complicated to be straightforward, it’s probably to complicate to involve someone else. If a relationship status ever seems questionable, just say sayonara.

At TopMatch, we applaud anyone smart enough to get proactive in the search for love, but we want you to be safe. That’s why we personally meet with and identify every potential Member – we work with Members to write profiles that are appealing and always accurate. If you’ve had enough with the online dating lottery, why not schedule a free consultation?

Happy Dating!

Too choosy? Take our quiz to find out!

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 04:36:00 +0000

We all deserve to be happy in love, but do you ever wonder if you’re getting in your own way on the road to romance? It’s perfectly natural to be choosy, especially when looking for the real deal. But when does choosy cross into the territory of simply self-defeating? Answer True or False to the questions below and find out.

1. Have you ever broken off a relationship or refused a date solely on the basis that you thought you might be able to do better?

2. Does your idea of Mr. or Mrs. Right include rather specific details like height, income, or favourite football team?

3. Do you turn down more dates than you accept?

4. Will a bad first impression usually put you off of someone permanently?

5. On a first date, are you more likely to remember your date’s horrible wardrobe than your date’s wonderful smile?

6. Do you need more than one hand to count up all your relationship deal-breakers (inflexible standards)?

7. Do you tend to hold a grudge?

8. Have you ever dumped someone simply out of the fear that he or she might dump you first?

9. Do you think you worry a bit much about what others will think of the people you date?

10. Do you often wish your life was more like a movie?

Now give yourself 1 point for every time you answered True.

7-10 Determined Dreamer
You love yourself enough to hope for the best, but have you ever stopped to think you may be missing out? Unless you can say you’re 100% happy with everything about yourself, don’t expect sheer perfection from the people that you meet. Turning down a date with someone nice likely means you’re also turning down a chance to grow. Your determination and high standards probably mean you’ve got a lot of passion to share, so be a bit more flexible and you’ll start to see that opportunity is all around.

4-6 Awaiting Excellence
You may have high standards, but you possess the good judgement to see the chance of a lifetime when it stands before you. Just remember, in real life there’s no instrumental motif to signal when your true love has entered the room. Follow your instincts, but always try to see what makes a person unique. Keep your heart open by seeing the best in others and giving them the chance to see all the wonderful things about you too!

0-3 Merry Mingler
You understand that high standards and an open mind aren’t mutually exclusive. By focusing on what you want in a relationship, rather than in a person, you have a much better sense of how to find lasting love. Too often we keep dating the same kinds of people, even when we know they really aren’t good for us. Lasting partners complement one another as a team, and sometimes it’s hard to predict exactly who will bring out the best in you. Your can-date attitude is something most of us could do with a lot more of.

Now that you’ve put your attitude in check, consider getting really proactive by scheduling a free TopMatch Consultation!

Personal MatchMaking on the rise as Online Dating falters

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 21:27:00 +0000

Online dating may be past its prime, but the Internet may still hold the key to the perfect singles solution!

If you’ve been considering a TopMatch Membership, consider this: whilst many companies are struggling to stay afloat due to the volatile state of our economy, TopMatch is growing rapidly. That’s because our service was developed with singles in mind. We wanted a real solution for real people, and as they say, the proof is in the pudding.

In its infancy, online dating expanded explosively as people were dazzled by its convenience. According to Jupiter Media Metrics, in 2006 visitors to online dating sites increased by 57%, towering over the reported 22% overall growth of the Internet. However, as the number of Internet users has grown steadily each year, the number of mainstream online dating site memberships has stagnated, meaning that proportionally the numbers aren’t what they used to be.

Lots of people have bad experiences with online dating - many report anxiety over flawed security measures, which is particularly troublesome in an increasingly insecure society - and the stories spread. Low success rates overall raise eyebrows about the effectiveness of the services. Unfortunately, vast pools of members are rarely, if ever, evaluated or monitored by human eyes. The unique opportunity for people to pretend they are somebody they're not, leads to misuse by the more unsavoury members of society, causing distress to many users.

What people want is real support - real results. In fact, the traditional matchmaking business is on an upswing, according to a report by the Marketdata Enterprises. The popularity of online dating seems to have drowned out the stigma formerly attached to seeking assisted introductions, and genuine and professional matchmakers can offer a personal touch that most online dating networks can’t get near.

At TopMatch, we saw an easy solution. You get the best of both worlds - the convenience of internet dating technology but with the security, quality and personal touch you'd expect from a high-end introduction agency - all at prices far less than online sites charge.

Our company is built on the founding idea that everyone should be able to afford a convenient, secure, and highly effective singles solution. Perhaps that’s why, whilst many online dating services have reached a dead end, TopMatch is now operating through a dedicated network of Franchisees in 5 countries and growing.

Ask a Top Matchmaker

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 20:23:00 +0000

The conventional wisdom says never to discuss politics, religion, or finances if you want to keep the peace on a first date. Personally, I find strong opinions and spirited discussion to be a turn-on. Must I really avoid these subjects like the plague?

-V in Manchester

Excellent question V. While it’s true that too-strong opinions may make you seem stubborn or abrasive, this trinity of taboos seems a bit outdated. Certainly a lot depends on your expectations, but if you are looking for long-term commitment, these issues will come up along the way. When they do, hopefully you’ll be comfortable and confident enough to speak earnestly, and listen sensitively.

In my experience, there are three far dodgier topics that can do some fairly catastrophic first-date damage: exes, sex, and major complaints. By bringing up an ex (or five), you’re either going to come off as bitter or still hung up on a former flame. Sex, regardless of how relevant is seems in your mind, is rarely appropriate to discuss over a cheese plate. Premature pillow talk can make your date profoundly uncomfortable and will almost certainly make you look ignobly preoccupied. Lastly, filing major complaints about your job, friends, or lifestyle with your date won’t do anything to address your grievances. Complainers are typically difficult-to-please, self-involved, and not very fun to be around.

That said, there are plenty of interesting, safe things to talk about on a first date. If you are politically minded, current events can be a safe way of testing intellectual compatibility. So long as you don’t prod or quiz your date, a little headline recap can be good for sparking a connection. Arts and culture is a great way to go—from Wagner to Winehouse, there’s something for everyone. Favourite travel destinations, hobbies, and future goals are perfect discussions for finding common ground, and asking about friends and family will usually win you sensitivity points. Stay alert and interested, and even the biggest faux pas won’t derail your date.

Need advice? Post your question in the Dating Blog comments!

Settling Down or Simply Settling?

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 20:26:00 +0000

Flirting, dating, and tearing up the dance floor can be great fun, but there comes a time when nothing seems as attractive as lasting companionship. Marriage, children, and real estate may not be everyone’s ideal, but almost all of us dream of the kind of substantial love that can drive, comfort, and nurture.

Unfortunately, the mounting pressure to get serious about commitment can be staggering—friends, family, society, and even our own partners can lead us to get hasty in our decision making. The choices you make must sincerely come from within, and once you’ve chosen the path to lasting companionship you’ll need a great deal of patience to guide you.

Just burning your little black book of telephone numbers won’t bring love leaping to your lap, and expecting as much may mislead you to mistake lust or friendship for the real deal. If you’re really ready for love, first make a pact with yourself:

I will find the love I deserve.

Now think deeply about how that love will feel. Try dropping superficial prejudices you may have developed over the years like those related to height, hair colour, or profession. Why not trade the trivial criteria for some rock-solid non-negotiables?

My partner will love me and accept my love.

My partner will share my hopes and fears.

My partner will make me laugh.

Setting aside minor preferences and opening your mind to new possibilities will actually help you avoid settling. On the contrary, settling occurs when we hold potential partners up to rigid standards and say no to great opportunities. Likewise, sticking with a partner who isn’t a great fit is a passive way of saying no to the possibility of true love.

Whilst you can’t put a rush on your romantic relationships, you can jumpstart your future by changing the relationship you have with romance. Ask yourself each day if you’ve really done everything in your power to find your perfect partner. What opportunities are there to meet other serious singles? Which chances do you take? Which chances do you ignore?

Respect yourself, believe in others, and take some chances! You’ll be on your way to finding the perfect partner . . . no settling required.

First Dates that Dazzle

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 02:22:00 +0000

Nothing compares to the excitement and romance of those first dates that really go right. Lively discussion, candid vulnerability, and learning all the things you have in common are the sweetest parts of falling in love, and there’s nothing like a truly great date to help sweep you both away. Here are some first date ideas to inspire sparks:

Make it 1 part original, 1 part traditional. Cliché first dates like dinner and a movie or cocktails and dancing rarely make for the most memorable encounters. Keep it fresh by choosing one activity that specifically suits both of your interests and end on a classic note like dessert at a posh bistro. This will give you a unique experience without sacrificing romance.

Pass on Happy Hour and favourite haunts. Drinking too much is never a turn-on and when the drinks are cheap people tend to overindulge to soothe anxious nerves. Also avoid places where you’re likely to run into friends, as having the home-field advantage will invariably leave your potential partner feeling a little defensive.

Re-imagine the single red rose. Show that you’re grateful for your date’s company by arriving for your date with a little gift. TopMatch Members have the distinct advantage of knowing a bit about their dates before setting out, and may even want to ask their personal Matchmakers for gift ideas. Don’t spend any more money than you would on flowers; instead let the thought determine the value. Fresh handpicked berries, found seashells, or used books are all sweet ideas for different personalities.

Go with the flow. Be ready to make changes along the way. If your picnic gets rained out, just duck into a cosy café for tea. If you miss a movie time, consider window-shopping at nearby stores. As long as the two of you keep a positive attitude, nothing will get in the way of a lovely time.

Give chitchat a chance. You needn’t divulge your deepest hopes and fears straight away, and chances are you won’t feel comfortable in so doing. Instead, ease into disclosure by chatting about the world around you. Planning a date that engenders conversation is easy and will relieve heaps of pressure later on. Consider sketching together in the park, taking your dogs for a trot, visiting a museum, or attending a wine tasting. Leisurely activity and shared hobbies always stimulate amusing conversation.

Don’t force romance. Dream dates rarely have much to do with champagne and ball gowns, so trying to impose a fantastical kind of romance is never a stellar idea. Lasting love begins with honesty and friendship, essential qualities that first date candlelit meals can often impede. Don’t jinx yourself by trying to live out a fantasy, instead opt for daytime dates, more casual attitudes, and plenty of laughter. Sweet nothings have their place, but that will come in good time.

Smile. It’s the simplest thing you can do to ace a first date. Smile genuinely and focus on being kind, not impressive.

Happy Dating!

Look First Date Great Without All the Fuss

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 23:26:00 +0000

Finding a date can be tough work and the date itself should be your reward, but many people view it as a whole new set of challenges. What to talk about? Where to go? How to end the night? Agonising over the details may not be helpful, but it is natural. Your best bet is to come prepared and just be confident, so to help ease your mind we’ve put together some fuss-free fashion tips to help you look your best! Look fabulous, and the rest will follow.

Wardrobe: Dress a step up from appropriate. You want to look comfortable (not careless), but excited (not overeager). First, figure out what you are doing and consider what you would normally wear. Going for a casual drink at the pub? Feel free to skip the cocktail dress or tie, but dress a little smarter than you would if you were meeting up with your mates. If you’re going to be more active, say on a walk or bike ride, pass on the fancy shoes and pick some sensible trainers. If you wear jeans, avoid anything torn, stained, or improperly fit. A handsome sweater or sparkling earrings can help dress up any outfit, but most of all wear something that flatters your figure as well as your personality.

Hair: Unless you’re attending a truly formal occasion, soft, natural hair looks best. Gents needn’t worry about plastering on the gel and ladies should avoid hair-sprayed helmet head. Men look best with a freshly washed, natural quaff, especially if they aren’t used to more intensive styling. Soft skin and a fresh shave earn bonus points, so keep it simple and don’t be afraid to moisturise (it’s manly). Women can get that naturally lovely look by blow-drying on low heat with a round brush and using light spray lotions or tonics instead of heavy mousses and hairsprays that tend to dry crispy. Both men and women can get great texture by styling with their fingers instead of a brush or comb.

Face: On a first date, less is more. You want to look warm and inviting, and wearing too much makeup makes it seem like you are hiding something. Ultimately, good hygiene prior to the date will leave you with a complexion to be proud of. For an added glow drink plenty of water the day of! Good hydration will prevent shadows or dullness in your skin. If you typically wear makeup, try using a tinted moisturizer for sheer, radiant coverage. Go light on eye makeup (which can look intimidating) and draw attention to your smile with a berry gloss.

Scent: Beware heavy colognes and perfumes. If the smell is strong enough for you to really notice, you’ve applied too much. Because too much perfume can cause discomfort (and even allergic reactions), you may consider a softer alternative. Shampoos, conditioners, and even deodorants come in any number of scents, and give you a subtle freshness that lasts through the day. If you do wear cologne or perfume, apply less than you think you need. You can also spray your hairbrush or finger tips instead and comb the fragrance right into your tresses.

Happy Dating!

Better with Age?

nicci.ramos@gmail.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 00:44:00 +0000

With life-expectancy stretching out most of us can feel good about pushing back on mid-life. Advances in medicine and science mean that proportionally, the springs and summers of our lives can last a whole lot longer. It’s not all good news though. Longer life means more time to accomplish those celebrated life milestones like marriage, landing the dream job, having children, and travelling the world, but there are those who see this as a chance to procrastinate, and most studies suggest those people are twenty-something men. In the 1960’s it was common for men to have accomplished many of their long-term life goals by age 30, whilst today less than a third of twenty-something males can say as much. Resembling the Lost Boys of Neverland, today’s young men frolic fancy-free from pub to club singing that they won’t ever have to grow up.

Women, on the other hand, are often doing just the opposite. As the playing field finally levels in favour of equality, most women can’t wait to get out and conquer the world. They grow up quick because they are driven and excited to take control of their own lives.

So what happens to twenty-something relationships? Or thirty-something relationships for that matter? If one partner wants to settle down and the other is ready for everything-but, what are the chances for healthy harmony? It should be noted that the tables are sometimes turned, with the woman wanting to live it up and the man wanting to get serious. Whatever the situation, these kinds of relationships are fated to fail. Yet, for whatever reason, innumerable men and women still say that age is one of the factors they weigh most when seeking a partner.

Older men tend to have more direction, more stability, and more sense of self. For every twenty-something man raring to talk about booze and women there is a forty-something man who will show genuine interest in the arts, the world, and the people he is with. True adults communicate more clearly because they don’t tend to worry so much about being impressive (or being exposed as otherwise). As far as older women are concerned, they offer the same kind of mature confidence and are often significantly more passionate than girls half their age.

Getting over personal prejudices about age might open the door to lasting love, or at least stimulating conversation. Why not leave Peter Pan to fairy tales and open your mind to a real Happily Ever After?

Happy Dating!

Single and loving it! (Not really)

noreply@blogger.com (TopMatch International) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:19:00 +0000

The empowering narrative for singles goes something like this: To be on your own means to be unattached, and to be unattached means to be free. Stefanie Marsh over at the Times Online has taken a shot at debunking this myth. In her own words,

“ . . . there’s a myth being perpetuated that being single is great! The loneliness, the effort, that musty smell in your flat because you spend far too much time in it, the fact that children think you’re weird – that’s all in your mind. A fabrication. You’re not bored, you just think you’re bored because being single is fabulous! There are several million single people living alone in Britain today – everyone’s at it, why not join in the fun? You can drink cocktails like they did in Sex and the City! You can play Nintendo into the dead of night! Absolutely nobody in the world gives a toss about you, but, never mind, you’ve won the lottery of life.”

The rest of the article can be found at http://women.timesonline.co.uk/
and it’s a great read

So, is being single honestly just a quagmire of boredom and anxiety? At times it may seem like it. Of course, another counter-myth explains Commitment (capital “C”) as it’s own gruelling existence wherein people must sacrifice all excitement to the marriage gods. But it can’t be all that bleak, can it?

Single or attached, you can bet on boredom. It’s inevitable. However, outweighing boredom, there’s heaps of fun and meaning to be gleaned from relationships, including the ones we have with ourselves.

If you are looking for love there’s no sense in giving up. A healthy relationship can bring a whole lot of comfort and value to life and doesn’t have to mean a total deprivation of cocktails and late-night Nintendo. In fact, your perfect match just might want in on the midnight gaming, and in my experience, there’s no fun in playing Guitar Hero without a worthy opponent.

Happy Dating!

Humour Her (Just Don't Overdo It).

noreply@blogger.com (TopMatch International) — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 07:32:00 +0000

A new study reveals the most effective way to attract women.

Recently, the Internet has been buzzing over a new study on sexual attraction, published by Gil Greengross at the University of New Mexico in the US. Two years of contained research seem to confirm what most women will happily tell you—when it comes to getting a woman’s attention, humour is key. More specifically, Greengross says that a self-deprecating comic will steal the most hearts (and in all probability, the most phone numbers).

Here’s the trick: When someone can make us laugh at their own expense, they often appear more accessible. This is a hit with most women because a man who is comfortable laughing at himself appears confident, but not arrogant. Furthermore, someone who tells a joke about himself can get a laugh without the risk of offending his date by accidentally putting down a person, idea, or institution that she might hold dear.

Nobody likes a ham, but laughter can be a wonderful icebreaker and can really help ease tension on a first date. Of course, when using self-deprecating humour, you run the risk of highlighting major personal flaws. Make her laugh, but don’t make her run. You can avoid laying it on too thick by keeping your self-inflicted jabs quick, relevant, and superficial. Spending an entire date putting yourself down will only make you look like a depressive trolling for approval. Just remember to keep it light and appropriate. Cute cracks about your mundane job, clumsy feet, or embarrassing music collection will make you look warm and approachable without tarnishing her impression of your character.

For expert guidance, you may want to consult the recent works of Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, and Martin Freeman—actors who have self-deprecating charm down to a science. Fortunately, it doesn’t take a professional to make a girl grin, so don’t fret. Just be happy with who you are, flaws and all, and never take yourself too seriously.

Happy Dating!

The Romantic Edge

noreply@blogger.com (TopMatch International) — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 07:29:00 +0000

For women especially, the pressure to appear professional and be taken seriously has never been so extreme. With more of us expected to work long hours and network at every opportunity, it’s no wonder finding love can be so tricky. Most of us simply don’t remember how to take our guard down.

In a hectic world, it’s certainly not over the top to approach the search for love somewhat systematically (in fact, at TopMatch we believe that an organised approach to personal introductions is a necessity). However, once you do find yourself out on a date, appearances and efficiency should be able to give way to something softer—vulnerability.

Romance simply can’t be scheduled and filed, but because most of us are programmed to plan and present like professionals, we often try to control love like the rest of our lives. The instinct to prepare is a good one, but to give ourselves that romantic edge we need to re-think our ideas about preparation.

For example, in choosing a restaurant for a business lunch you might use your keen professional eye to select a conveniently located, well-lit café with quick service and portions small enough to be eaten between rounds of brainstorming. How about for a date? Would you select a restaurant using the same standards? Unfortunately, many of us would. In fact, we’d probably choose our outfit the same way—something sophisticated and chic to show good sense and good taste, and our hair up in a bun lest it be tousled by wind. It’s true that accounting for every detail leaves nothing to chance, but it also leaves nothing to romance.

Success is something to be proud of and no woman should feel the need to act like someone they are not. There is no formula for femininity. Wearing a low-cut top to a dimly lit French restaurant won’t get you any closer to a great date if you aren’t comfortable. The real key to opening your softer side is all in the approach. The best dates are fun, not productive or profitable.

Instead of focusing your energy on the success of the date, focus on getting excited to have a great time. Choose a restaurant for its fun atmosphere, not its central location. Put on an outfit that makes you feel good about who you are, not one that makes you look important. The world may be fast and crazy and demanding, but for the sake of a truly romantic evening, the world can wait.

Happy Dating!

Conversation Killers: Sensible Discussion Tips for Great Dates!

noreply@blogger.com (TopMatch International) — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 05:39:00 +0000

It’s Friday night, you’re out on a date with someone really great, the lights are low, the food is divine, but the conversation is dead. We’ve all been there, and we all know that bad conversation can drive a huge wedge between people who might otherwise make a good match. Getting to know new people can be hard and the jitters that come with really liking someone don’t make it any easier. To help, we’ve compiled a list of some of the most common conversation killers, as well as sure-fire tips on how to get any discussion back on track.

The Job Interview
“Where do you work? How long have you been there? Where did you go to school? What did you study?” Being interested in your date’s hobbies, interests, and goals is the best thing you can do to stimulate conversation. Unfortunately, it is easy to cross the line between expressing sincere interest and rapidly firing off generic inquiries. To avoid this, try asking open-ended questions that can’t be answered with one or two words. Instead of “Where do you work?” ask “Tell me more about your work?” Listen actively by nodding and responding with your own ideas. Don’t worry about learning their life story in one evening, if things go well you’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other.

If your date starts to interview you, set a good example by slowing down and giving thoughtful answers. Take control of the situation by saying, “But I’m excited to hear about you. Did you grow up in this area?”

The Monologue
“. . . I was promoted last year and things have been so busy since. I just work, work, work. It’s funny, as a child I never would have thought I would end up wearing a tie six days a week—you know when I was twelve . . .”

If you can’t be open about your life, then you won’t have a lot of luck getting to know someone, but if you don’t know when to shut up, you never will. Spend at least as much time listening as you do talking. Ask for your date’s opinions and related ideas and avoid bragging or trying to seem impressive. Organic conversations will allow the real you to shine.

If your date performs a monologue, find a way to open the conversation—some people are self-centred, but many people talk about themselves when they are nervous. Avoid interrupting your date, but find a practical way to change the topic to something safe and neutral. Suggest looking at the dessert menu together or taking a scenic walk. Let small talk build into a fresh conversation about food, architecture, or music.

The Invisible Common Ground
“So you don’t like Jazz, you don’t like Kung Fu movies, and you don’t eat meat?”
Having things in common is so important when it comes to finding the perfect match, and your TopMatch Dating Consultant knows it. When you connect with someone through TopMatch, you can be confident you have essential similarities, but first-date nerves can sometimes obstruct your view of the common ground that is clear to your consultant.

Superficial differences, like tastes in movies, aren’t necessarily indicative of a person’s broader views. Furthermore, a successful match is made of people who challenge and learn from one another. Don’t assume your date isn’t interesting if you don’t share all the same interests. Instead, ask questions about why they like what they do, and what their interests mean to them.

If you sense your date is having a hard time connecting with you, try bringing up the things you know you have in common. You live in the same area, you were drawn to the same matchmaking service, and you are both at a point in your life where you want genuine, lasting companionship. Sounds like a pretty good start, doesn’t it? Good luck.

Happy Dating!

Pride and Prejudice

noreply@blogger.com (TopMatch International) — Fri, 30 May 2008 13:01:00 +0000

Are your unrealistic demands and expectations preventing you from finding the right partner? Are you having difficulty overcoming the numerous pre-conceptions and sub-conscious prejudices, which we all seem to develop over time ? Are you willing to let your pride in demanding the perfect (in every way) partner, leave you remaining single, year after year?

Whilst we are not suggesting for one moment that you settle for someone you’re not compatible with or with whom you are not on the ‘right level’, we are suggesting that you take a careful look at the criteria which you have set in your mind and examine whether it’s really valid.

For instance, two of the most popular reasons our Members decline introductions with others are their smoking habits and their height, or lack of it! However, we have numerous instances where people had originally requested a non-smoker but after being informed the remainder of their Profile matched in every other way, went on to meet and develop long-term relationships without any problem.

In other cases, we hear of ladies in particular, who after several years of demanding a male partner be over 6 feet before they’d even consider meeting them (even though they themselves were considerably shorter than 6 feet!), finally relenting and going on to form successful relationships.

And if you’re seeking a non-smoking man who’s also over 6 feet tall, then clearly the maths will be against you - with almost 25% smokers and a very limited supply of tall men in the UK!

One of the benefits of working with a TopMatch Dating Consultant is that they get to know you personally (often better than you know yourself) and can sincerely help you identify what is really important for you to look for in a prospective partner and what you can safely consider overlooking.

Obviously, at the end of the day the choice is yours but often just a small compromise can be the key that unlocks the door to finding the ‘almost’ perfect partner!

Happy Dating!