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Spring into life - get ready for love in 2010!

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Naylor, TopMatch) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 10:11:00 +0000

It has been a very long winter.

You've been wrapped up tight in woolly jumpers, thermal socks, tracksuit bottoms and thick leggings since mid-December.

But, with the sun finally emerging, it's time to ditch the winter gear, dump the winter blues and emerge for spring.

You're probably feeling a bit stale and grey. So here's some simple tips to make you feel like you're fit and ready for spring dating, whether you're male or female:

Have a good haircut and get rid of all that wayward, wispy stuff that's been keeping you warm all winter!

Bite the bullet and put away all your winter clothes

Chuck out, recycle or donate tatty summer gear from 2009

Spring clean your place so that when you meet someone special they won't run screaming from the chaos

Indulge in some self-examination, poke around inside your head a bit, identify what went wrong last time you dated and vow not to do it again!

Open yourself up to the possibility that your 'type' might not be your type at all. Be more flexible about who you date. Even if you don't fancy the pants off a person at first sight, you might fall madly in love with them completely unexpectedly. That's often what love's about, hitting you hard when you least expect it... so let it in

Promise yourself to go to new places and try new things, going way outside your usual comfort zone. It'll give you a huge buzz, a new lease of life. When you feel excited and inspired people will be drawn to you like a magnet

Drop the negative attitude. If you wander the planet endlessly bemoaning the fact that you can't find love, you probably won't find it. Decide this is the year, open up your heart and wait for it to hit you!

Love is blind... but science isn't!

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Naylor, TopMatch) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 09:53:00 +0000

Shakespeare said that love is blind. He was right. Research shows that people in love pay much less visual attention to attractive people than singles.

Jon Maner and colleagues, based at Florida State University, have been testing the theory on students. He said, "We found that when people just thought about being in love with their current partner, their visual attention got repelled, rather than grabbed, by an attractive member of the opposite sex,"

It's true. I'm in love, and I only have eyes for my lover. Everyone else pales into insignificance... even Jonny Depp, and that's going some! The last thing on my mind is looking for someone else.

Maner and his team believe this phenomenum might help explain why people who are in love don't tend to wander off in search of other mates. Joseph Forgas at the University of New South Wales commented, "Psychologists have long had a problem explaining the functions of romantic love: a very strong emotion that sometimes seems to take over our lives and lead to what appear to be irrational feelings and actions. What these studies suggest is that romantic love serves a very important function, tempering our natural desire to pay attention to, and to continuously seek out, the best available mate."

In other words, we've probably evolved this subconscious visual rejection of attractive potential partners because committed relationships give our children a big evolutionary advantage. As humans evolved over the millennia, long term monogamous relationships improved the chances that children would make it to adulthood. The strong - the children of monogamous parents - survived and carried on a tradition that eventually became hard wired into our subconscious.

Love is blind... but science certainly isn't!

Another lonely Valentine's Day?

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Naylor, TopMatch) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 12:30:00 +0000

If you've just spent another Valentine's Day on your own, it's time to take action.

Having a life partner to love, and who loves you, is the icing on the cake. Life can be perfectly pleasant and enjoyable without a partner. But having someone to share life's excitement and adventures is worth putting in the effort. So don't give up!

As a professional it isn't always easy to get out and about and meet new people. Take Laura, for instance.

"I live in Hastings and work in The City. I get up at half past five and I'm on the train by seven fifteen in the morning. I reach my office around eight thirty and I work through 'til half five. Then I do it all again in reverse, getting home about eight thirty pm."

"I spend most weekends catching up on shopping and housework, and a lot of the time I'm too tired to go out. For me, with my lifestyle, making the time to find true love through the usual channels is virtually impossible".

"I just don't have time or inclination to hit the pubs and clubs. And even if I did, pubs and clubs aren't always the best place to find the love of your life!"

"Some of the people I work with date their colleagues. Which seems a bit desperate to me... the last thing I want is to spend all my free time talking about work."

Professionals like Laura prefer the TopMatch route, where personal dating services and online dating meet in powerful combination.

"It's the perfect online/offline compromise" says Laura. "There's an excellent website to explore, with an exciting Member Gallery and a healthy stream of special offers, profiles, photos, videos and all sorts of interesting stuff. I can sit down at home in the evening, in comfort, and explore the matches in my area that might suit me."

"Then there's the person-to-person bit. I have my own TopMatch personal dating consultant who is dedicated to finding my perfect match. We've met and talked, and she helped me create a really strong profile. She's a great help and it makes a huge difference having a human being on your side as well as website access and some serious technology!"

So how's it going for Laura so far?

"I've met seven really lovely men so far. One of them had my knees seriously trembling. We've decided we'd like to meet again for a second date, to see if it feels so good the second time around!" she says. "my personal dating consultant is really pleased and excited. So am I!"

Don't do things by halves. Why have second best when you can have the very best? Visit TopMatch for full details...

Animations make choosing the best dating service easy!

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Naylor, TopMatch) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 10:10:00 +0000

Top dating franchise TopMatch International is pulling out all the stops for members with animated videos.

Do you like reading pages of text or are you more of a visual person? Do you take information in better when you hear it?

People absorb information in different ways. A proportion of us like to read new information before making a buying decision. Others are very visual, establishing key facts from images. Listening is a favourite learning style for many but a combination of sound and pictures appeals directly and immediately to a very wide range of people.

Which is why TopMatch has created two new animated videos to help get the message across to more and more people looking for love.

Video number one makes it very clear that unlike other dating sites, TopMatch's in-depth vetting process means the people you meet are who they say they are. The message, couched in humour, is clear and strong... if you're worried about encountering fraudsters and liars while dating online you won't find any here! If you're concerned, it'll deliver enough reassurance to help tip the balance. You'll be completely safe at TopMatch!

TopMatch's second clip explains the different types of membership, premier and express. Express membership appeals strongly to male members, who love the informality of express membership and tend to upgrade to premier membership at a later stage. By contrast, the majority of women go straight for premier cover because it is so comprehensive and comes with so many exciting extras.

If you're lost in the dating maze, take a look at these two clips... deciding needn't be such a problem after all!

'Love chemical' stimulates relationships!

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Naylor, TopMatch) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 12:43:00 +0000

Apparently a chemical that helps cement the bond between mothers and newborn children might also be involved with choosing Miss or Mr right!

A recent piece of research shows that people who inhale the hormone oxytocin, a chemical we all have in our blood, find strangers more attractive. According to Angeliki Theodoridou, who works as a psychologist at the University of Bristol, it makes us see people in a much more positive light. Even if we've never met them.

A previous study has already found that levels of a mother's oxytocin rise dramatically when they touch - or even just look at - their new babies, and scientists are convinced it helps with mother and child bonding.

Other studies have indicated oxytocin also plays an interesting role in people's social lives, helping them with social situations later in life, as an adult. When given the hormone people made overly generous offers when playing a special money-based game designed to promote trust.

The latest research indicated that men and women, no matter what mood they were in, rated strangers as more attractive and trustworthy when they'd taken oxytocin compared to people who'd been given a placebo.

While the study didn't look at how oxytocin affects peoples' social judgements, the scientists involved are exploring whether it dampens down brain activity in the amygdala, the part of your brain that processes fear and related emotions. We'll have to wait and see.

What's the moral of the tale? Isn't it nice to know that your body's chemistry is working away in the background, quietly on your behalf, to help you find love. How clever is that! No matter what your head's telling you, your body is on constant alert for your ideal life partner.

Can you buy oxytocin? Yes, some unscrupulous companies are already marketing sprays that they claim can help enhance reserved people's trust in strangers. But there's absolutely no evidence that these products work. And the scientists who undertook the study refuse to endorse their claims. Not to be trifled with!

In the meantime, trust yourself. He or she is out there. You'll find them, or they'll find you. You have a powerful ally... your body's on your side!

New Year resolution: find my perfect partner!

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Naylor, TopMatch) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 14:18:00 +0000

It's a new year and a new decade. The ideal time to start fresh, open up new horizons and take big, bold steps towards happiness.

Life as a professional single person is great, but having someone to love is the icing on the cake.

Are you determined to find your perfect partner in 2010? If so, dating website TopMatch is a brilliant place to be. Why? They've launched a new service that's taking their members by storm: personal video profiles.

TopMatch research showed that most people don't feel comfortable being filmed. Even fewer people are prepared to blow their own trumpets in public. Most of us are pretty modest when it comes down to it. But video is such a fantastic medium for showcasing your assets.

The solution? TopMatch's personal videos are based on members' online profiles. How? They use an exciting combination of images, photos and music to create an evocative, fun, informal 60 second showreel-style video.

We asked one member what they thought about their video. She said, "I love my personal video profile. OK, I'd given loads of details for my written profile and it sounded really good. But my video made the whole thing sparkle. TopMatch wrote a professional script, which was read by a professional voice over artist, and their production team created this brilliant little clip all about me. I didn't have to do a thing, which was a relief. I'm a confident person but having to sit and blurb on about how amazing I am would have been really embarrassing!"

A personal video is a great way to give people a genuine feel for what you're really like. They're professionally produced, colourful and lively. All in all, they come highly recommended!

Here's a link: TopMatch personal video profiles

Should you marry your first love?

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Naylor, TopMatch) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 10:46:00 +0000

Your heart is pounding. You can't think straight.

The only thing on your mind is the wonderful, amazing person you've met. You can't keep your hands off each other. You spend hours just staring into one another's eyes. The chemistry is breathtaking. You're head over heels in love.

This is the person you've been waiting for... your first love. You've found your life partner. Or have you?

First love is a tricky beast. Scientists have proved that the feelings we experience when in love are generated by hormones and chemicals.

When we're young and in love for the first time, whether we're conscious of it or not, our bodies are hell bent on procreation. You might think you've fallen in love with a person. But you've actually fallen in love with the way they smell!

Humans are attracted to people whose immune systems are very different from their own. This ensures our offspring are genetically strong. And, on a subconscious level, we can smell the difference.

From then on our body chemistry relentlessly keeps up the pressure. And it works. Most people who marry their first love obediently have children as soon as they can possibly manage it!

But once that magical 'pure love' phase has passed, as it always does, what are you left with? No longer blinded by all-encompassing lust, do you have anything in common?

In many relationships, this is where the problems start.

If you're currently in a deep state of love and lust, experiencing the first flush of your first love, good for you. Have a lovely, lovely time. But think twice before making your first love your life partner.

A few fortunate people stay with their first love for the rest of their lives. But most of us find that once the glow wears off, there just isn't enough left to sustain a marriage.

Later loves and second marriages seem to have a better chance of survival. You're older and hopefully wiser. You've probably fulfilled the overwhelming physical need to have children (if you ever had it!). You realise there's much more to love than lust; things like friendship, shared values, intelligence, humour... all the day to day stuff.

Perhaps not as exciting as the rollercoaster ride of your first love, but much more enduring.

Looking for the perfect woman? Forget dating sites!

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Naylor, TopMatch) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 12:29:00 +0000

Are you looking for your perfect match? Frustrated that you can’t seem to find a generous, loving, warm, clever, funny woman?

No wonder. You've got it all wrong. You've been trying to find your dream woman through online dating sites.

But...

No buts! Dating sites are dodgy ground. Think about it. You can type in anything you like. The average dating site profile isn't much more than a listing. You can lie until you're blue in the face and nobody checks.

OK, so you're actually an accountant. But you've joined so many dating sites you've lost count. On one of them you're a seven foot astronaut with a great sense of humour and no kids. On another you're earning a cool hundred and fifty thousand a year, posing around in a Ferrari. And you're sure you remember signing up somewhere new as a professional footballer. Oops.

This is all great fun. But it won't get you anywhere. Women like honesty and they hate being messed around. If you lie on your profile, as far as she's concerned you'll probably lie about everything else too. Keep it up and they'll stay away in droves.

Even worse, one of the biggest reasons women choose online dating sites is because they're short of time. The last thing they need is you wasting precious spare time claiming to be something you're not.

Most women want someone who is confident, not afraid of commitment, with a sense of purpose. But the biggest quality of all is honesty. It wins hands down.

Take it from me, most women would prefer an honest, straightforward, kind bloke with a beaten up VW Beetle than a liar with a Porche.

As a result there's a glut of men on most dating sites. The women are jumping ship, and who can blame them? But all is not lost...

One dating site verifies, interviews and checks all its members. So what you see is what you get. Women love it because they know they're getting exactly what it says on the tin. Men love it because... well, there are plenty of women there!

If you're serious about finding the perfect woman, tell the truth. The real you is probably exactly what she wants. Bite the bullet, head over to TopMatch and check out their membership options. You can even pay as you date!

Women Are Doing it For Themselves!

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Naylor, TopMatch) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:45:00 +0000

The ladies are taking control, insisting on 'next generation online dating...

Can you remember the nervous excitement and butterflies in your stomach the last time you prepared for a first date? Or laughed so much together that you couldn’t stop?

This is what most women dream about when thinking about their ideal date. Candle-lit dinners. Walking hand in hand along the beach with the surf softly beating the sand. And a perfectly romantic proposal.

So do most online dating sites deliver? No!

Too much of the time you'll find that your date has lied. They don't look anything like their picture, they don't have that great job and they're... well, just a bit weird! A waste of time, effort and dreams!

Women are tired of getting burned. So they’re taking control of their online dating experience.

Ignoring well-meaning advice from friends and family. How many times has your mum or best friend told you, “Don’t worry, it'll happen when you least expect it” or “If you stop looking, love will come to you”? In other words, give up and act passively. That one's up to you... ignore them and get moving!

Finding a dating site that filters out all those Mr. Wrongs before they hit the first post – letting someone trustworthy screen potential matches for them - a thorough interview, a full identity check and recent photos.

Tp Match provides a professional relationship specialist dedicated to finding your ideal partner. They hand select dates for you, to your specific requirements, using their expert objectivity to make sound decisions.

Best of all, can even join with a friend via Top Match's special 2 for 1 offer on Premier membership. Cool!

2 Memberships for thePrice of 1

'next generation' online dating

secure and discreet

100% genuine candidates

free joint consultation

totally unique to Top Match

If you’re tired of the games, tired of lies and tired of hassle, it’s time to take control of your dating life. To sign up for a FREE no-obligation phone consultation, visit http://www.topmatch-uk.com/ or call XXXXXX today.

Use Your Business Savvy to Find Your Perfect Partner!

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Naylor, TopMatch) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:12:00 +0000

You're a successful person. You didn’t get where you are by mistake. It took hard work. Lots of it.

Aren't you fortunate? You've got everything you've ever dreamed of... except your perfect partner. Why? Probably because you're so busy. How ironic!

Perhaps you've tried online dating sites. They obviously didn't do the trick or you wouldn't be here. Perhaps you've struggled to bars and pubs, tired after a hard week's work, in the hope of coincidentally running into someone special. Perhaps you've even resorted to blind dates... most of which were doomed from the start!

It's a familiar tale to company director Alistair S. His work was so all-consuming that he simply couldn't fit dating in. “I worked 14-hour days and returned home too shattered to make the effort. I didn't even have time to think about it, never mind do it!”

You know what you want. Here's how to find it.

Alistair knew what he wanted. He just didn’t have the time or energy to find it. But then he made a huge discovery. He found a way to put his business savvy to work to improve his personal life.

How?

The same way any savvy business executive would. He outsourced it.

Think about it. In business, when something needs to get done that your company can't do, or doesn't have time to focus on, you outsource it. You hire an external expert to do the work for you.

Outsourcing makes just as much sense with your dating life

Outsource your love life to an expert – get a strategic dating partner! Where? At Top Match - they specialise in finding the perfect relationship for busy executives like you.

“When I heard about TopMatch it just made so much sense.” says Alistair. “I realised that letting someone else make all the arrangements for me would be the perfect solution, so I outsourced the lot to my local Top Match dating consultant... then waited to see what'd happen. It worked so well I wish I'd made the business / personal outsourcing connection earlier!”

Today, Alastair's life has changed completely. He's engaged to his perfect partner he's delighted he chose a pro to do all the legwork for him.

Test drive Top Match now and feel the difference!

Sounds good? Then why not outsource your dating to TopMatch. Your personal Dating Consultant will hand pick every introduction based on an exhaustive range of compatibility factors. In fact most clients usually find their first date within 48 hours of joining, based on their personal expectations and standards.

Why settle for less? Call Top-Match today on 08707 203 272 or visit

http://www.topmatch-uk.com/ to find out more!

Chat up lines... what do women REALLY think?

noreply@blogger.com (Kate Naylor, TopMatch) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:54:00 +0000

In an advert on TV at the moment a young man in a pub, short of a suitable chat up line, gets loads of ideas by texting his mates. But do men really use chat up lines? And does 'chatting up' work?

Most chat up lines are desperately cheesy. Some are hilariously funny. Others are downright offensive. So what do the ladies say?

Lavinia from Yorkshire insists that chat up lines always put her off. "The thing is, most men only seem to use chat up lines when they're with their friends." she explains. "There's nothing worse than being approached by a bloke who is being watched by a bunch of giggling mates. When he comes out with something lame like I seem to have lost my 'phone number. Can I have yours instead? it's just embarrassing. I feel as though he's taking the mickey out of me, which doesn't exactly encourage me to say yes to a date!"

Other women like chat up lines simply because they're funny. All you have to do is glance at the lonely heart columns in the papers to see that a GSOH -a good sense of humour – comes top of most women's list. Being funny is highly desirable. Very few people are 100% comfortable approaching a stranger they find attractive and humour's a great way to break down barriers.

Susanne from Dublin agrees. “I met my husband in a bar. I wish I could remember his chat up line – it was so long ago – but I do remember it made me literally cry with laughter. It broke the ice and we spent the rest of the evening talking. And laughing... he still makes me howl now, twenty five years later!"

Amber from Poole reckons that anyone who plucks up the courage to approach someone they've never met before deserves credit. "I know the sexes are supposed to be equal these days but it's still mostly down to blokes to do the running.” she says. “If someone comes up to me and delivers the all time cheesiest chat up line I have to admire him. I wouldn't dare do it myself, if the boot was on the other foot."

Offensive chat up lines rarely work. Not many women like being hit with a blatantly sexual – or sexist – chat up line from some stranger, no matter how good looking they are. “It's just nasty” confirms Susanne. "It shows a massive lack of respect and I'd run a mile if anyone tried it on me!"

So be funny, charming and disarming and – under some circumstances - your chat up line might just work. What circumstances? When the lady in question actually fancies you. If she doesn't, even the finest chat up line in the universe probably won't win you a date!

The Online Dating Myth - The Secret that Online Dating Sites Don't Want You to Know

noreply@blogger.com (TopMatch International) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:54:00 +0000

Are you still sifting through the lies of online dating, hoping to find the love of your life? Sure, it can happen. You may even know a friend or two who found their perfect match. But there's a secret the online dating sites don't want you to know.

You see, the online dating sites work much like the lottery. They pull in thousands of people with the hope of finding success. Along the way, they let a few people win. Those winners invariably tell all their friends, and those friends go play the lottery thinking they'll win too. What the lottery doesn't want you to know is that the odds of winning are stacked against you.

With online dating, the odds are stacked against you almost as heavily. So the online sites live on those few success stories. They hope you'll hear a story or two that says "online dating works, try it." So, you do.

At first, it's fun looking through all those profiles in hopes of finding "the one." Then you contact a few that look really good. It's an ego boost when they reply. And that's when the trouble starts. First they lie about their age. Then they lie about their height or their weight. And the worst is when they lie about their marital status. In fact, Logitech recently surveyed Europeans and found that 58% of them had been victims of online dating dishonesty.

And who wants all those contacts from the weird, slightly insane, or completely out of touch?

The attraction of online dating is the opportunity to pretend to be someone better than you are and unsurprisingly, that's its ultimate weakness!

Turn the Odds in Your Favour

Just as there are those who know how to play the lottery to win, there are ways to date online that can turn the odds in your favour. And there's one thing you can do today that will greatly improve your odds of finding the right person.

To increase your odds, ask yourself this question: Who are the people who always seem to get the best deals in business? You know the kind - they're all over the headlines. They are sports stars, celebrities, writers, and investors. What do they all have in common that helps them always land the right deal? They all hire an agent.

Believe it or not, you can now hire an agent to handle your dating life. This agent or Dating Consultant as they are known at TopMatch, will handpick the perfect match for YOU. They will find someone who shares your values, your lifestyle, and your background and aspirations.

They'll help you to be objective and not judgmental about first appearances. And they eliminate the lies and time-wasting mismatches. Their Photo & ID are verified, so you can be sure they are who they say they are!

Yes, initially it will cost you a little more than the average online dating site as significant costs are involved in the consultation process. But if you want to find the absolute best match for you - and avoid all the potential riffraff found on other sites, hiring an agent is the best money you can spend.

So it's time to kiss these sites - and all of their lies - goodbye! The next generation of online dating is here, with your personal Consultant ready to find your perfect match. The only service that offers you such a personal agent is TopMatch. If you're using any other dating site, you're wasting your time, your money, your emotions, and your hopes. Only TopMatch will protect you and significantly increase your odds of finding your perfect match. We guarantee it!

Dating

noreply@blogger.com (TM) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 11:13:00 +0000

The First Date

The most important part of a first date is getting to know each other. Plan your date for a time and place that lends itself to easy conversation. Don't arrange your first date somewhere noisy.

Arrange to meet somewhere where you are the central focus. If you attend a concert or a show they will be a distraction. Similarly don’t go to the cinema. Either was you won’t get the chance to talk or get to know each other. Make sure you have time and space to be relaxed and to talk.

When you are dating someone for the first time, it can often be a good idea to do it during the day. Pick a venue where there is no pressure over what you should be wearing or who might see you. A coffee house or a casual lunch venue will work well. Pick somewhere central – somewhere you can both reach easily.

The Second Date

You know each other a little better now. You know about each others personality. About likes and dislikes. Time to be a little more daring and aim for something more romantic, something more intimate.

A small local restaurant or wine bar can often be a great place to generate a nice romantic atmosphere. Steer clear of chain restaurants or those with open plan kitchens and dining areas. They can often be noisy, impersonal places that attract families.

It’s hard to be romantic when you are surrounded by screaming children or clattering dishes.

A second date should almost always be in the evening. Not only do you reduce the likelihood of sharing your venue with children, but a romantic evening opens the door to intimacy and the chance to get to know more about each other.

Make sure that you know the restaurant well. – don’t book a restaurant for the first time. You need to be confident that the food and service are good, that the atmosphere is right – and that you know where you are going.

Friday’s and Saturdays are the best days for a second date. You will both have something to look forward to for the whole week. You don’t have to worry about getting up early for work the next morning. And you can avoid the depths of Ant and Dec’s Saturday takeaway or Hole In The Wall on TV!

Robbie Burns

What Women Want

noreply@blogger.com (TM) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 12:41:00 +0000

What exactly are women looking for in a man?

It is always a struggle to know what girls want or don't want and sometimes the goalposts are even known to shift from time to time..

But there are some things that, on the whole, all women are looking for. At least so I’m told.

Most women like a little romance -even if they don’t want to admit it. When going on a date , offer a single flower. It’s enough to show that you are both interested and romantic – without being over the top

The “modern man” no longer needs to be the provider and knight in shining armour – but show her that you can and will be her protector. But be subtle:

Open doors politely and casually, don’t make it into a grand gesture.
When you walk into a crowded room, take her hand or put your arm on her back to reassure her that you are there.

If a potentially heated situation develops in a restaurant or retail outlet - take the lead. Don’t be aggressive or go over the top, but show her that you are not afraid to stand up for her.

Always be on the look out for tell – tale body language signs. If you move towards her and she moves back or tenses up, back off. Wait for the right time. If you are touching her arm or back and she tenses, take the hint and back off until she feels more comfortable.

Show appreciation. In days gone by it would simply be good manners to call a date the next day to thank them for a nice evening and tell them that you enjoyed yourself. Today we often neglect social etiquette – and most women will be both surprised and delighted if you take the time to contact them after a date.

Robbie Burns

A Little Less Conversation

noreply@blogger.com (TM) — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 09:40:00 +0000

Knowing what to say when you’re on a first date can be tricky.. It’s easy to get lost in the moment and stray into the wrong territory. I know a gentleman who, very nervous on his first date, spoke at length about his fascination for Oriental women. Bad enough. Worse when he discovered that his date’s ex- husband had left her to be with an Asian bride.

So here are some simple tips on conversation for the first couple of dates. What topics should be safe – and what to steer clear of.

Keep the conversation mostly about your partner. People like to talk about themselves.

Keep the tone of the conversation light – it should be a conversation – not an inquisition. If you sense a reluctance to answer a specific question – don’t push – move on to something else.

Try to encourage your date to talk about things that excite them. People feel good when they talk about things that mean a lot to them – things they are passionate about. It often helps them to relax.

Try to make your date feel good abut themselves. If you can make them feel better than they did at the start of the date you are halfway there.

Don’t talk about money, previous partners, politics or sex. And don’t come across too needy – talking about your ideal wedding on a first date is unlikely to lead to a second date.

Men – Humour is great, but use it wisely. Most men are only ever one stupid joke or comment away from ruining everything!! So don’t be crude or sarcastic – and don’t make fun of your date.
If you talk about yourself all the time you’ll sound arrogant, self obsessed and patronising. A friend once told me about a first date experience that sums this up.

Her date was taking her to a restaurant about forty minutes drive away. For the entire journey he spoke non – stop about his hobbies, his career, his ambitions, his car, football, his choice of hair products….and so on.

Finally they arrived at the restaurant and were seated.

"Enough about me.” He said “Let's talk about you."

Finally she thought..

Until he said… "What do you think about me?"

Needless to say – there was a long and silent car journey home – and no second date.

Robert Burns

Are People In Relationships Happier?

noreply@blogger.com (TM) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:01:00 +0000

Someone asked me at the weekend if it was true that people in relationships are happier than those who are single.

“It can’t be true” she said “some of the happiest people I know are divorced”.

From a personal point of view, if I think about the happy people that I know – they are mostly in stable relationships. I can also recall the changes I have seen in so many of those I have worked with when they finally found their perfect match. They have been outwardly more positive, more content and yes, happier.

Most physiologists also tend to agree that we are happier in relationships than we are when we are single. Of course there are exceptions – there are bad relationships just like there are bad apples, or bad hair days. But a good relationship makes us happy.

People in relationships live longer (forget all the old jokes about it just FEELING longer). Marriage apparently adds around seven years to the life of a man and four to the life of a woman. Figures for those who live together are similar.

A recent study in the US found that people in the “top 10 per cent of happiness” were almost entirely involved in a stable, romantic relationship.

So why are people in relationships happier?

Well for a start it takes one item off of your parents list of how you have failed to live up to their expectations.

It also means that there is someone who feels obliged to listen to how bad your day at work was.

But being in a relationship gives you the opportunity to share.

Share concerns. Share dreams. Share plans.

It gives you someone to care about – and someone who, hopefully, cares about you.

You look out for each other. Support each other. You are there for each other.

It gives you someone you can depend on, someone you can trust, someone you can confide in.

As human beings – we need these things. We need them to help us feel secure, to help us feel content.

If we are secure and content in ourselves we can approach life much more confidently. We can be happier.

The paradox is that when we are in a relationship - we often find it very easy to make each other miserable – nine times out of ten over really trivial stuff.

Sometimes it is not until we lose the relationship that we realise that the good things massively outweighed the bad – and that a lot of the stuff we argued over was completely insignificant.

So yes – in response to the question. I do believe that those of us in stable relationships are genuinely happier than those of us who are single.

But I also believe that sometimes, we get complacent, and we can all do ourselves a favour by taking a step back - appreciating the good things in our relationship – and stop getting worked up about things that don’t’really matter that much.

Robert Burns

The Lunch Date

noreply@blogger.com (TM) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:15:00 +0000

When you are getting back into dating – lunch dates are a really good way to get started.

If you can fit them into your work schedule you can keep them discreet, confidential and it breaks you in gently.

Getting back into dating after a long time can be a daunting process. If it’s been a while since you last dated venues and etiquette may well have changed.

Lunchtime dates can keep that first meeting simple and relatively short. It can take a lot of the stress out of that first date.

It’s also easy to decide what to do. A light lunch at a local restaurant does not take a lot of thought or a lot of planning.

Try to pick somewhere not too busy. Somewhere not frequented by lots of your work colleagues. And as it’s a first date – play safe with the choice of cuisine.

You don’t have to worry too much about what you wear – you’re already dressed appropriately for work. And if you’re going to meet someone for an hour or an hour and a half it’s easy to find enough conversation to fill that space.

It gives you the prefect amount of time to see if you like the person, if you have much in common, if you want to spend more time with them.

If it’s not going well - you have an easy exit strategy. You have to get back to work.

This can also be a really effective alternative if you have children. You don’t have to make babysitting arrangements and if your children are older – you don’t have to explain to them why you’re getting dressed up to go out in the evening.

So if you are looking to get back into dating – the lunch date is well worth considering.

Robbie Burns

The First Date

noreply@blogger.com (TM) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 15:49:00 +0000

People often ask how they should act on a first date. What should they say? What should they avoid?

The truth is that every date is different – because we are all different – but there are some fundamental truths that you should always bear in mind.

There is little point in pretending to be something, or someone, that you are not. If the relationship is going to last beyond the first date it has to be because he or she likes YOU. So be yourself. Be the polite, charming and eloquent version of yourself – but don’t lie about your past or your present. If the relationship grows you’ll be found out.

It’s a cliché – but first impressions do count. So….

Don’t be late.. If something crops up that is beyond your control – call. Whatever your mother told you ladies - on a first date there is no such thing as “fashionably late”.

What you wear is always tricky – especially for women. Be careful not to over-dress or under-dress. Make sure you know the venue, find out what the acceptable / expected dress code is.

Don’t drink too much. Being drunk is rarely an attractive feature and drinking too much will always give the wrong impression.

Listen more than you talk. Talking non-stop about yourself is one of the most common mistakes on a first date.

We all get nervous – and sometimes that can make us talk too much to fill the awkward gaps in the conversation. But avoid it.

Fill the gaps by asking your date to tell you about them. Listen. Be interested. And see if you have anything in common that you can build on.

Do not discuss previous relationships. If your date asks about them be brief. Never be critical or disrespectful about previous partners at this stage – however you may feel about them.

Mobile phones can be a curse as well as a blessing. Turn your phone off. Or at worst put it on to vibrate. Do not take calls. Do not read or respond to texts. Your date should be the most important person in the room. If you have no option but to take a business call tell your date in advance that you are expecting it. Apologise before and after the call. And keep it brief.

Compliment your date. Don’t overdo it, but pay them a simple and genuine compliment.

Don’t talk about money. It doesn’t matter, on this occasion, whether you have it or not. It’s never a good subject to discuss on a first date.

Don’t be rude to anyone. Whether it’s the staff at the restaurant or cinema. A work colleague you bump into. A friend. Be nice to everyone. Don’t be rude or sarcastic – even in jest.

Don’t build the date or the relationship up in your head too much. It’s a first date. Don’t go into it thinking that this MUST be the one. Don’t go into it thinking it’s destined to be a failure.

It’s a first date. No More. No Less. Relax, enjoy it and see where it takes you.

At the beginning I said that first impressions count – and they do. However I am now going to completely contradict myself.

It is natural to be nervous on a first date- more so if you have not dated for a while. Your date will be feeling the same. So bear that in mind. Don’t be too quick to judge. Don’t rush to conclusions. Give them a chance.

There’s not much here that’s not common sense. There is certainly nothing complicated.
So bear it all in mind. Don’t get too hung up on it.

And enjoy the date!

Robbie Burns

How To Meet Your Perfect Match

noreply@blogger.com (TM) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 09:54:00 +0000

How do you meet someone you can trust and are genuinely interested in? And once you find them – how do you increase your chances of making that new relationship a success?

Obviously we are going to say that becoming a member of TopMatch is the best possible start. But even we would have to admit that there’s a little more to it than that.

What About You?

As corny as it sounds – the first step is knowing yourself. You have to be clear on your life and relationship goals.

Only when you have those goals and values clear in your own mind can you look for someone who shares them.

What Does Your Ideal Relationship Look Like?

You also have to establish what you want, and what you need, from a relationship.

What would make you happy?

Is it companionship? Romance? Security? Excitement? Passion?

We’ve known many people who have broken up after a number of months because they realised that they wanted different things.

Sometimes one partner realises that they do not want someone who has children from a previous relationship. Sometimes it has been because their salaries or their careers are too far apart. Things that they did not consider at the outset suddenly become major obstacles to a long-term relationship, but they only realise this after already having invested a great deal of time and energy into it.

So make sure you take the time up front to think about what you are looking for.

Be Honest.

There is generally nothing that upsets people more than dishonesty.

It’s the one sure way to turn a good relationship bad.

We might not always like what people tell us when they are being honest – but we do value it. Sometimes it is not easy to tell someone what we honestly think – but it is almost always better than the alternative.

If you want a relationship to last – indeed if you want to even make it to a second date – honesty is vital.

Face Potential Issues Early On.

If you are starting out in a relationship and you can see potential issues – don’t ignore them. Don’t bury your head and hope that they will go away. And never assume that, over time, you will change your partner’s mind.

If you discover that your partner does not want to have children or that they do not want to retire to Brittany, face up to it as early as you can.

If you don’t, you risk a lot of heartache and a lot of wasted time.

If you do, and if the relationship has genuine potential, you might just find a compromise.

But the longer you leave it, the bigger the issue will become, and the less likely it is that you will find that compromise.

Don’t Get Physical Too Soon.

At the risk of sounding like your father..

I have often had discussions with people who have become too physically involved too quickly – and regretted it.

In some cases the regret was because they enjoyed the physical aspects but they knew deep down that there was no future in the relationship. In some cases the regret was because it made them feel committed before they were ready for that. Sometimes they felt pressured and were not ready for a physical relationship.

So again – trying not to sound like your father.. it’s important to get to know your partner first – this will always be the foundation for your perfect match.

Make sure that you have the same values and goals. And then, if it turns out that the relationship is not the right one for you – you can part amicably and still remain friends.

And if you have indeed found your perfect partner – then it will be worth the wait.

robert burns

Anxiety Can Destroy Relationships … Or It Can Bring You Together

noreply@blogger.com (TM) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 10:50:00 +0000

We’ve all been around someone who is anxious, worrisome, or having a particularly bad day? These people can be difficult to be around. They’re very good at elevating simple disagreements into serious arguments.

This is especially common in dating and marriage relationships, where the two people know each other particularly well. When one person is having a bad day, it’s easy to take it out on the other person.

If you find yourself in the same room as someone who is anxious or having a bad day, should you run away? Or is there something you can do to help them out?

Often, all it takes for you to help that person is to give them a good word. What is a good word? Well, it can be as simple as saying, “I’ve been thinking about you.” Or you can give a word of encouragement. Better yet, sit and listen to them. Sometimes all people need is someone to talk to for a little bit. Your few words won’t mean nearly as much as your willingness to give them a little time.

If you don’t know what word or words to use, think about what anxiety is – it’s an emotional response to a perceived danger. It’s fear of some problem or calamity coming against us. So if someone is anxious, they think something bad is about to happen. The reason they are anxious is because they have a natural desire to protect themselves from that danger.

Many times there’s also a sense of discouragement or a lack of confidence. When that’s the case, a word of encouragement can go a long way. Even better, remind them of a time in the past when they overcame a similar problem. Then encourage them to think about that for a little while. Simply thinking about past successes can encourage someone who is anxious.

As I said earlier, anxiety is a response. There’s nothing wrong with the underlying emotions. The problem is the response to the situation. In most cases of anxiety, the emotions have taken over and the person isn’t thinking. And when they’re not thinking, they’re not problem solving. So they inevitably make poor decisions and end up doing themselves more harm than good.

If you’re in a position where a friend, family member, or significant other is anxious, a good word is something that will help them respond properly to the situation. They may still have fear or other emotions, but you can help them think. Usually the best way to do that is through a series of questions that help them come up with their own answers. Telling them what to do will come across as preaching at them or scolding.

But if you can ask questions about the situation where the answers lead the person to the right conclusion, you encourage them to think and come up with the response on their own. You essentially help them come up with the solution to the problem. Anxiety weighs us down because it destroys our hope. But asking the right questions, or saying a good word can restore that hope and make the heart glad.

(Steve Kroening is the publisher of http://www.wisdomsedge.com/)

Can’t Figure Out Your Boyfriend? – Maybe This Will Help

noreply@blogger.com (TM) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:18:00 +0000

Does your boyfriend baffle you?

Join the club.

Most women, as skillful as they are at relationships, just sit in amazement at some of the things their boyfriends do. Well, maybe this will help. What follows is a translation guide that will help you understand your man. The next time he says one of these typical “guy lines,” you’ll know exactly what’s going on.

* "I'm going fishing." What this really means is: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

* "It's a guy thing." Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

* "Can I help with dinner?" Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

* "Uh-huh. Yes, dear." Really means: “Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.”

* "It would take too long to explain." Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

* "We're going to be late." Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

* "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

* "That's interesting, dear." Really means: "Are you still talking?"

* "I've got reasons for what I'm doing." Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

* "I can't find it." Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm clueless."

* "You know I could never love anyone else." Really means: "I’m used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

* "You look terrific." Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

* "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

OK, so there’s not a lot of wisdom there – at least not from a guy’s perspective. But hopefully, it’ll give you some laughs.

Quoted from “What He Says – What He Means,” Laugh of the Day e-newsletter, http://www.crosswalk.com/, 12/02/2006.

(Steve Kroening is the publisher of www.wisdomsedge.com)

The Question That Can Radically Change Your Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (TM) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 13:43:00 +0000

What if I told you there’s one simple question you can ask your significant other every day that would completely change your relationship for the better? If you’re relationship is lukewarm at best, asking your significant other this question could add new life and vitality to your relationship.

Just imagine what would happen if you came walking through the door after returning from a tough day at work and after the usual greetings, your significant other asked you this, “Honey, what can I do for you that would make your day?”

Then, once you picked your jaw up off the floor, imagine being able to tell him that one thing that would make your day better – and then seeing him drop everything to do it.

Imagine how incredible it would be to have your significant other call you at the office and ask, “Honey, what can I do for you that would make your day?”

The trouble with this question is that it’s simple to ask, but sometimes following through on the request is difficult. If you ask the question, they could ask you to do that one thing you dread more than anything else. Or they could ask you to do something that’s not very pleasant, it may hurt you, or it might ruin your day to do it. It might cause you to be vulnerable in ways you don’t want to consider.

But imagine how they will feel when you’ve done it. Just today, I asked my spouse this question. She was gentle with me and said, “Oh, I just love it when you take care of the kids so I can take a shower in peace.” So guess what I’m doing tonight? You got it, playing with the kids. Now, not only do I get the joy of playing with the kids, but I also get the joy of knowing that my wife is happy too.

Before you ask, make sure your mind is set on doing whatever they ask, no matter how hard it is for you. Obviously, don’t do anything that goes against your conscience or core beliefs. But, otherwise, it’s a great test to see how willing you are to serve someone else.

One final note: Don’t give the other person a guilt trip for telling you what will make their day. Don’t say, “OK, I’ll do it if you really want me to.” Just do it with a cheerful heart. After all, you asked for it.

(Steve Kroening is the publisher of http://www.wisdomsedge.com/

A Characteristic Many People Overlook When Searching for a Spouse

noreply@blogger.com (TM) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 09:33:00 +0000

When singles evaluate potential mates, they often look at core beliefs, family relationships, background, appearance, interests, chemistry and even income level. All of these are vital ingredients in marriage. But I’ve seen many singles find everything they’re looking for in a spouse, but overlook one very important characteristic.

It’s really unfortunate because this characteristic is so telling of how the person will react to circumstances once they’re married. It’s a characteristic that’s easy to spot if you know to look for it.

The characteristic is kindness. Now, you would think most people would look for this in a relationship and they typically do. However, they often don’t look beyond their own relationship. Of course the person is nice to you – they’re interested in you. They want something from you.

But the key to the kindness characteristic isn’t how nice the person is to you. It isn’t even how nice they are to their family or their friends. The key is this: How kind are they to everyone. Are they kind to their co-workers or employees? Are they kind to cashiers? Are they kind to children? Are they kind to people they’ve never met?

Here’s why this is so important – when life gets hard, the real heart of a person comes out. If kindness isn’t a real heart condition, then you can be sure you will see the real heart condition after you’re married.

I know several people who are married to people they thought were great people when they were dating. But once they got married, the real lack of kindness comes out daily. Their marriage is miserable. In many cases, there's abuse (verbal, physical, and even sexual). All because they didn’t want to look outside of their relationship when they were dating. The warning signs were there. But they refused to believe it.

If you want to have a great marriage, kindness has to be at the core of both hearts. Just as you want to know that your mate is kind, they want to know the same thing. So make sure you’re kind before you expect it from others. Your kindness tells your potential spouse that you’re going to be kind no matter what comes your way.

(Steve Kroening is the publisher of http://www.wisdomsedge.com/)

5 Ways to Show Total Confidence on a Date

noreply@blogger.com (Nichole Ramos.) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 03:08:00 +0000

Confidence is tricky. Having too little makes you seem needy and high maintenance, but having too much can come off as arrogant and self-absorbed. Healthy confidence means loving oneself while admitting that there is always room for growth, and meeting someone who exemplifies this is attractive to anybody.

Though developing genuine confidence can take time, here are 5 ways to act and be more confident on a date.

1) Dress to flatter a feature, not conceal one. Don’t obsess over hiding a blemish with too much makeup or a bald spot with a cap, instead, choose one of your best features and play it up on dates. Complement bright eyes with a colourful sweater or nice arms with short sleeves. Focusing on what you have to offer will give you a boost of personal strength that will last all night.

2) Ask questions that you don’t mind answering. Often on dates, once we answer a question, we turn it around and ask our date to answer as well. Don’t expect your date to reveal anything you can’t comfortably talk about at this point in your relationship.

3) Make eye contact. If this is difficult for you, practice with friends and colleagues the week prior to your date. Maintaining eye contact naturally (don’t stare unflinchingly) will make you seem strong and present in any situation.

4) Show interest in your date. Displaying genuine curiosity about your date and his or her interests proves you’re comfortable listening and learning. A person who constantly needs to promote him or herself often comes off as extremely insecure.

5) Be flexible. Showing the ability to compromise and adapt on both big and little decisions shows you’re secure enough to go with the flow. If you can find a way to have fun in any situation, all types of people will enjoy spending time in your company.

Happy Dating!